Something to Feel
by faggyyyy
Summary: Bella needs a therapist to help her cope with her past. But will he push her too far? Will their attraction towards each other get in the way? Rated M for future lemons and language.
1. Chapter 1: Starting fresh

_**This is the first story I have ever written so don't judge me too harshly.  
><strong>_~~~

PROLOGUE

_His clawing felt like razors and the only thing I could feel were his hot hands on me. All over me. Everywhere. It seemed like the more I struggled, the rougher he_

became. He was simply too strong. There was no escape.

"_Please, don't…" I sobbed._

"_Damn. You're always like this, Bella. Never any fun. Just shut up and relax," he spat back and ripped the rubber band out of my hair, yanking a few strands_

along with it.

_My cry of pain was muffled by his hand._

_Restraining was pointless; fighting back was pointless. Because it was too late._

_Pain exploded throughout my body, the worst I had ever felt in my life, and I couldn't breathe. I was suffocating._

_All of a sudden, there was no air, no sound, no feeling and everything went black._

I woke up screaming.  
>_<p>

June 7th 2012

My leg bounced restlessly as I waited. I knew I had nothing to worry about. I had set everything up on the phone, I already drove here, I had to follow through with this now. I had to.

I checked my phone. 7:28. Two minutes. My eyes flickered to the same closed door for the hundredth time.

Nerves. Maybe I shouldn't be here…

_No. You need this._

Two weeks ago I never would've guessed I'd find myself sitting in a _shrink's _waiting room, flipping through a magazine, counting the seconds until I meet

the person who'd have full access to my mind. I never thought I'd need professional help. I never thought I'd let it get to this point. I just never could've

imagined a reason why I would. But that was before-

"Isabella?" a velvet-like voice called out, effectively causing me to jump in shock. I hadn't even heard the door open.

I turned around and faced the greenest pair of eyes in the world. And the person they were attached to was even more impressive.

Hot. Damn.

"Sex on legs" didn't even begin to describe this guy. Was he a model? I felt my self-esteem crumble. I suddenly felt very small.

He was dressed in khakis and a button down shirt, with the first 2 buttons undone, actually, accenting his subtle muscular built quite nicely. He was tall,

but not too tall. The kind of tall you dream of standing on your tippy-toes to kiss. He was slim, but not skinny. He had that effortless, casually formal feel.

The torture continued with a perfectly smooth face, soft pink lips, a perfectly straight nose, and oh, the _hair_. His bronze, beautifully wild sex hair practically

begged to have hands run through it. And then there were the stunning eyes I had seen before… the ones framed with thick eyelashes. The deep

emerald green ones specked with hazel in the center… The ones that seemed to see right through you, into your core… the…the ones that were staring

right at me.

_Had I not moved since he spoke? Crap!_ I scrambled up awkwardly and took a step towards him.

_What did he even say? Oh yes, my name! The way it had rolled off his tongue…_

_Focus Bella. Right. Sorry._

His eyes swept over me swiftly, and I automatically blushed, silently thanking the gods I looked presentable.

"Um... just Bella," I corrected quietly. He was even more intimidating close up.

I caught a gleam in his eye that disappeared before I could even process it. _What?_

"Bella it is," he replied smoothly. He held out his hand and- _Oh _God_ that is the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen in my life._It was a little crooked on

one side, making him look like a playful teenage boy. A one-sided smile. Adorable. My breath caught as I shook his hand gently. Even his hands were

perfect.

These kinds of people just didn't exist in real life. Yet here he was, carefully studying me with those intense green eyes…

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella. I'm Edward Cullen. I'll be your psychologist," he said, still smiling crookedly.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Cullen," I said quietly.

You could hear the smile in his voice. "Please, call me Edward." He nodded to the door behind him. "We'll be in that room right there, so whenever you're

ready, if you'll just follow me…" he trailed off as he opened the door and I got my first view at it.

It was pretty basic. Small, no windows. It had two comfortable-looking loveseats that faced each other, in the center, and against the back wall was a

huge shelf with about forty closed drawers. _Huh._

I silently followed him inside and he shut the door behind me. I gulped audibly.

The entire time, his observative eyes never left me. Seeming to sense my discomfort, he smirked faintly and gestured to the loveseats.

"Take a seat wherever you'd like, Bella," the gleam in his eyes was back, "and we'll get started."  
><em><strong>~~~<br>**__**I enjoy reviews.**_


	2. Chapter 2: The meeting

**Like I said, the first chapters are short!****  
><strong>~~~

The first few minutes went by without consequence, talking about payment options, duration of sessions, meeting days.

Or, rather, he talked while I nodded and sneaked peeks at him, since it was too intimidating to stare at him the entire time. He, however, had his eyes locked on mine, still terrifyingly observant. It was almost as if he was trying to catch every movement I made and take note of every time I blinked. Sheesh.

He made me nervous.

When he squared his shoulders, stood up, the atmosphere in the air changed dramatically. With the paperwork from our discussion in his hand, he strolled to the back shelf and unlocked a drawer. Curiously, I leaned forward in my chair a little so I could see what was inside the drawer.

_Oh. It's just files. Darn._

He quickly placed the papers inside and walked back to his chair. I pretended not to have been spying, but I think he saw through me because there was a faint trace of a smirk on his lips.

He sighed heavily as he sat down and crossed his ankles, placing his hands on his lap and turning the full intensity of his gaze on me.

Gah.

"So. Bella," he spoke, and I couldn't help but notice how his tongue lingered on the _l_'s, "Why don't you tell me why you're here?"

Oh no.

_Don't be a coward._

"I…um, something happened."

He cocked an eyebrow. _Gulp._

I took a deep breath, concentrating on a spot on the wall. "See, my… my _former_ best friend, um, his name is Jacob… he- Well, ok, one day, he… had too much to drink a-and he told me to come over but… I-I didn't know…" Images came flooding back. I blinked several times to keep from crying.

I couldn't do this._ It's just words, Bella._

_Leave me alone._

"Bella," he interrupted before I could continue. I risked a quick glance at him and his eyes were fixed on mine as always. _Great_. _If there was any chance before of him not noticing me being near tears, it was gone now._ I quickly looked back at the wall.

"Why are you sad?" he said softly.

I thought about it. "B-because of the memory… because even now, _months_ later, I can't even talk about it, or about him or _to_ him. And because I feel like a coward."

"Why do you feel like a coward?" he prompted.

"Because I'm weak."

"Why do you consider yourself to be weak?"

"_Because I can't talk about it._" Now I was angry. And miserable. And disappointed. But only in myself. _Why couldn't I do this?_

Edward sharply looked away for a moment, scrutinizing a spot above my head. We stayed in silence for a few minutes.

_Now look at what you did. Why couldn't you just be normal and _talk_ about it?_

I was too emotional about everything, all the time. Too sensitive. Maybe-

"Bella, what's your favorite color?"

…What.

I looked at him, shocked to see he was smiling that beautiful crooked smile of his and looking straight at me.

"I...er-what?" _Genius. No really, Bella, that was just… _

"Is it blue? I bet it's blue." His eyes were wide, playful, and almost…_childlike?_

And that's when I lost it. I don't know if it was because these past few minutes were an emotional rollercoaster or if the sight of Edward, looking as if he expected a gold star on his forehead was too much,or if I was just crazy, but I exploded with laughter. I laughed and laughed until I was doubled over, flushed, and with tears in my eyes once more.

All the while, Edward was observing me, clearly amused.

Once I could speak again, I choked out between giggles, "It changes every day, Edward. Actually, you're right. Today it's blue."

"Notice how now you're tearing up again, for a completely different reason…" he murmured and handed me a tissue, "I think it's kind of cool." Oh my. His grin.

_I may or may not have imagined a blind man seeing the sun for the first time._

I looked away shyly. "Thank you," I mumbled, whether for his kindness or for the tissue, I had no idea.

I smiled to myself as I wiped my eyes.

"Bella. If you're going to be my patient, you need to know something." I looked up at him and he locked his eyes with mine, all business. "I will _never_ force you to talk about _anything_ you don't want to. Do I think it's important that you do? Of course. In its own time. But you make the decisions here, alright? You come first. The rest can wait. You're not a coward for not telling me everything on your first session. This is a process that will take time and we can go slow."

He spoke softer, and his eyes melted into mine, "Also, you should know that… the kind of thing you went through, well, I'm experienced in this area, Bella. The majority of my patients are dealing with similar cases, so I know what to expect. There's a list of emotional effects that you may experience, such as fear, avoidance and anger, which is what we experienced today, distrust, numbness, re-living, and even a loss of control. This is when victims feel as if they've been robbed control over their bodies and do crazy things to prove their body is theirs… I'm just letting you know so that you're aware that any of this is completely normal, okay? And every one of these can be worked through. We'll have all the time you need for that."

I could only nod numbly.

"Alright." glanced at the clock above the door and stood up. "It appears this is it for today…"

_Already? No!_

I stood up, grudgingly and he walked me to the door.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella, and I'll see you next week?" Oh wow. He was close. He was really close.

_Did I just look at his lips?_

_You need to stop._

He was waiting for a reply, wasn't he? Nice one, Bella. "Oh, yes. Ok." I mentally kicked myself and we shook hands again.

"Have a good evening," he called after me as I walked away.

"You too! Oh… Edward?" I turned back around to see him turn also.

"Yes, Bella?"

I couldn't resist. "What's _your_ favorite color?"

He immediately broke out into his signature lopsided grin. _Sweet baby Jesus._

He looked thoughtful for a second, and I noticed the light dancing in his eyes again, before he answered "Chocolate brown," and promptly turned on his heel, walking off, and leaving me there to collect my thoughts.  
>~~~<p>

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	3. Chapter 3: Boundaries

_June 28th 2012_

Two more sessions since the first had passed.

We spent our second session playing 20 questions, basically. I learned that we liked many of the same bands and that he even played the piano. I told him all about my favorite books, movies, hobbies, my love for literature and cooking. I told him about my parents, my roommate, Angela, and the few friends I had. I was very careful not to mention _him._

Just thinking about _him_ again was like stabbing knives into my chest.

He seemed to notice this though, because he frowned slightly, and quickly shot me another question. I liked how he did that sometimes.

Last session, we played checkers the whole time. He won five times and I won once. But judging by his cocky smirk, I think he let me win.

Throughout the weeks, I thought a lot about what he said. The dark months before I made the decision to start seeing a professional, I was… a complete wreck.

I did experience most stuff that was on the list. In fact, I counted them.

Fear, check. Numbness, check. Re-living gets one _big_ check. Avoidance and anger, check. Distrust, check.

The only thing left was a loss of control. Hopefully, I wouldn't get to that point.

I also realized three things.

As I got ready for my session with him, I thought about how much I already liked him. Obviously, he was stunningly attractive, which never hurt, right?

Sometimes I wondered how I could even dare to think like this. I am still trying to get over what happened… I shouldn't be able to think about guys this way ever again, right?

Or for at least a long time. Maybe I should ask him.

_And say what? 'Hey, Edward, I was nearly abused and could've died but I still find you hot, should I be concerned?'_

Right.

It'd be fun to see his reaction though.

But I didn't just think he was a pretty face, I also liked the way he was, how he thought, moved and acted. I felt like we had compatible personalities, and I knew it was wrong, but he was starting to feel like a friend. And his sessions really did make me feel better already. He had a way to make my mind drift off into a happier place. A place where we could lay back and I could _laugh_ freely, like I didn't have a care in the world.

Angela was a friend from high school in Forks. We became the best of friends and moved to Phoenix together, attending the same college and sharing an apartment. They were the coolest apartments ever, packed closely together and right along the street, like something you'd see in New York. I studied writing and she studied music theory. We preferred Phoenix than wet, mucky, Forks. We lived close to the beach which was a plus, and I got to see my mom and my stepdad, Phil, every now and then.

Every time I told Angela about Edward and how much I enjoyed therapy, she gave me the most annoying smirk and made jokes about how I'd better not think about making kissy face with the shrink.

Ha freaking ha.

We talked very little about _the night. _Whenever we did, I was always bitter and sarcastic about it, to hide the true, unbearable pain that was underneath. She could sense this too, so she never brought it up. I think she's afraid of making me sad.

Angela was an optimist and I knew she cared about me, which I appreciated a lot. I could see in her eyes that she was only making those jokes and light-hearted teasing because she wanted me to believe that everything was fine and my love life could resume as it was. How things could be the same. Even though we both knew it wasn't that simple.

However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't giddy with excitement while applying a thin layer of mascara. If she were here, she'd be giving me that knowing little smile that I scowled at. But she was having lunch with her boyfriend, Ben.

I glanced at the clock and it informed me that I was 5 minutes late.

_Crap!_

I gave myself a quick once-over and sprinted out the door

"Hey, Bella how're you today?" Edward asked, while opening the door politely for me.

_He smells delightful._

I walked past him and sank into my regular bean-bag. Mine was orange. His was purple.

Ha.

"I'm okay," I shrugged. He walked over and sat on the one across from me.

He didn't even seem like my therapist, we always talked as if we were best friends, just having a conversation. I loved it.

"Hey, Edward? Why do you have beanbags? Why not... chairs?" I wondered out loud, snorting quietly.

He looked down and blinked, as if seeing the bean-bags for the first time.

I stifled a laugh.

"I like bean-bags," he replied, completely serious.

That promptly threw me into a fit of giggles and snorts.

He raised his eyebrows playfully. "Do I amuse you?"

I grinned. "You sure do. Weirdo."

He _tsk_'ed and kicked my foot lightly.

There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"That's really a shame because I'm going to tell you something that I don't think you'll enjoy as much..." his smile had disappeared but he kept his eyes glued to mine. Watching me, as always.

I frowned. "Huh?"

He took a long, deep sigh. "Bella… I think we should talk about why you're here. It isn't good to put it off as much. I can only let avoidance go so far." His eyes were tender, careful, searching.

I immediately looked away. "I can't."

I knew I was being immature but I didn't care.

"You don't have to tell me everything. Do you think you could try though? At least try to talk a little?" I could still feel his eyes on me and his voice had lowered.

_Flashes of _him_ danced behind my closed eyelids. _"No."

I hated the fact that I felt like a child.

"Why don't you think you can do this?"

_Bella_. I could hear his voice. I clenched my fists.

"Because I just can't. Because I know it'll hurt. Because I don't want to cry." My voice wavered.

He looked at me with…_pain _in his eyes?

"Everyone cries, Bella. Sometimes you just need to. Yes, it'll hurt, but it's the only way I can help you. It'll hurt more to keep it bottled up. You have to face your fears."

He meant well, but I didn't want to do this. And he wasn't going to make me. He couldn't.

Panic rose up in my throat.

"I can live my life without needing to face this, okay?" I blurted.

His jaw locked and a fire in his eyes flickered on for a second. "Not a happy one."

Now I was mad.

How dare he? I'm not going to follow orders from him.

"Look," I stood up and glared at him, "You said I could take my time. Yeah, it's been a month, but maybe I'll be ready in fifty years! Either way, it's not up to you."

"I'm not making you do anything. I was just suggesting-"

"Well I don't want your suggestions! Y-you can't make me go back to that night. Not now. Not ever," he_ used to be your best friend…_ I flinched, "I. Just. Can't." I felt terrified and irritated and I wanted to escape all at once.

I'd had enough. I headed towards the door, my hands trembling.

"Bella."

I turned around wordlessly, warning him with my eyes to leave me alone.

"Do you… not want to do this anymore?" he asked in a quiet, but emotionless voice I instantly despised.

I bit my lip hard to keep from making a scene. "No." I made sure to slam the door shut before the tears rolled down my cheek.  
>~~~<p>

**Shh...shh... just read chapter 4, _then_ come at me. B) Review!**


	4. Chapter 4: Offer

**So, I didn't realize that some people actually favorited this and subscribed to it. That really means a lot!**

**I've decided to give up on update days for now. I'll simply post chapters whenever I finish them.**

I drove down the road, angrily brushing tears out of my eyes.

He didn't understand. _How foolish of me to think that anyone would ever understand._

_No, _a more reasonable voice answered, _he was just doing his job._

_Right. That's the problem._

I parked the car outside the apartment and hadn't taken two steps before I froze.

My keys.

I felt around in my pocket, only to find it empty.

I must've forgotten them in the rush to my…session. I wanted to scream.

_Wait._ If I left my keys in the apartment, then I couldn't have locked the door, so it must be unlocked!

I made my way to the door and twisted the doorknob, crossing my fingers with the other hand. It didn't budge.

_Well, crap. Angela must've locked it when she came back from her lunch with Ben._

As I took out my phone to call Angela and ask her to let me in, I noticed I had a new text from her.

_From Angela:_

"_Hey B, went to a party w Ben. Be back later! :)"_

Oh no no no no no… I frantically dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail. Again. Again. Again.

No!

_What am I going to do? _

What sucked about moving to a new town was not knowing a single soul. Not that I had ever been popular in Forks. But take this situation, for example. _I had no one to go to. And it would be dark soon._

I sunk down in the front step of the apartment, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head against them. I knew I could've been drawing attention, but frankly, I didn't care. I took a deep breath.

_Okay, Bella, just try to think of an easy solution._

I was calming down pretty well until a familiar voice broke through my concentration.

"Bella?"

I looked up, startled, and sure enough Mr. Panty-dropper himself had pulled up his _very shiny _car right next to where I had parked my less impressive one, and was peering at me through the driver's window.

_Well, this was embarrassing._

I casually ran my hand across my face to make sure it was dry. I cleared my throat.

"What, uh, what are you doing here?" I said, trying to add an edge to my voice.

I was still mad at him and I was going to show it. No matter how happy the sight of him made me.

"I was going to take a walk down the beach, it's nice at night…" he frowned, "what are you doing on the floor?"

I looked down and shrugged, waving him off. "I was… it doesn't matter, you should go, I'll be fine. Really."

Instead, however, he promptly parked his car and made his way over to me.

_At least he listens._

"So," he sat down on the front steps next to me, willing me to look at him, "What happened?"

I gulped. _Well now that he turned the full intensity of The Stare on me, lying wasn't an option._

"I…um, I forgot my keys, and my roommate is out so…" I trailed off lamely.

I could literally _feel_ my face burn.

He turned his face away sharply, and I caught the corner of his mouth tilt upwards, as his body shook slightly. He was laughing.

_Ass._

This time he couldn't stifle the chuckle that escaped his lips.

_Did I say that out loud?_

"Yes," he grinned at me.

_Crap, not again. Oh look at that, his crooked grin is so cute._

Edward turned back to me. "So, you have no place to spend the night?"

I shrugged. "I mean… I was going to wait for Angela, er, my roommate, to come back."

He narrowed his eyes. "And when will she be back?" The low light made his eyes look a dark jade. It was beautiful.

"Um, I don't know. She won't answer my calls, she's at a party…" I answered brilliantly. "But I'll just wait here, until she comes back. She'll probably be back soon," I lied, "I can wait."

It suddenly hit me how dark it was outside. And how I was completely alone. In a new place. Not knowing anyone. And not knowing what or who could be lurking around.

Images of _the night_ came flooding back in an abrupt burst. I gasped and clenched my fists.

_No._

This, of course, didn't go unnoticed by the copper haired man beside me. He glanced down at my clenched hand and slowly rolled out my fingers to keep them from digging into my palm, with his own hand. I must have imagined the current of electricity that flowed between us. It was almost as if we had been holding hands for a brief second, before, too soon, he let go.

"No, you can't. And we both know it," he said softly.

I kept silent, too shaken to speak.

"Come." Edward rested his hand on my lower back as he stood us up, then he turned to face me. "I can't let you be out here by yourself, and you don't want that either. So you're staying with me for the night. Would you like that Bella?" he murmured. His voice sounded so soft. So harmless and silky.

I stood there, like a dead fish, eyes wide, before numbly nodding my head. I was still trying to get the image of _his _face out of my head.

He smiled that crooked smile of his and before I even knew what was going on, I had launched myself at him. I broke out in a sob, letting all of my fears and sorrows and pain and confusion and mood swings and feelings I couldn't even name yet, out…And into his shirt. It didn't matter that I was acting like a big baby. _And it was also that time of the month, ok?_

I wrapped my arms around his neck as tightly as I could and buried my face in his chest, shaking and hiccupping, relishing in his wonderful scent of cologne, freshness, and just pure _Edward_.

I felt the shock radiate through his body when I struck him, but he quickly recovered, wrapping his arms around me, and hiding his face in my hair.

"Shhh.." he whispered, "Shhh, Bella…you're okay now…"

I could feel his breath on my ear, it tingled my every nerve. "E-Edward," I hiccupped, "I-I'm sorry I was being difficult… i-it's just hard f-for me. I-I'm stronger than that though, a-and I'll prove it. I-I didn't mean what I said. C-can we please continue our sessions? I can't be alone, I c-can't." This only made another round of tears pour out, of course. _Get a grip._

"Of course we can. It was my fault, I was…" he sighed, and I felt his breath brush against the back of my neck, "completely out of line. I'm sorry. Don't worry about this now, we'll work it out. Let's get you in a warm bed now, you need rest."

And with that, he pulled apart and led me to his high-class car, where he opened the door for me and even buckled my seatbelt for me.

As he drove, I studied his profile. His lips were slightly pouting; he was deep in thought about something. His eyes were fixed on the road ahead of us, eyelashes casting dark shadows across his cheeks. His perfectly tousled bronze hair looked almost silver in the moonlight that was starting to peak through. He was perfect. Like an angel.

_I bet girls hit on him all the time. Maybe he has a girlfriend. With that face, he could even be engaged. _Something about that made my stomach drop.

_Or he could have a second job, like modeling or being a porn star._

_Isabella_ Swan!

I immediately blushed at my improper thoughts. He must've sensed me gaping at him, because he turned to me briefly, his eyes lingering on the pinkness in my cheeks, and shot me a questioning look.

I shook my head quickly, furiously blushing ten shades deeper.

I decided to imagine the place where he lived, instead, as I rested my head against the window. Would it be an apartment like mine? Or a house? Or a cave or cot or a box or what? Judging by his job and his car, it would be no box…

Before I knew it, I had dozed off in a light sleep, dreaming of green eyes and crooked smiles.

_**Next chapter will be… interesting.**_

_**Review! Please?**_


	5. Chapter 5: Comfort

_**More people subscribed. This makes me happy! Here, meet Chapter 5. Make sure you have carefully read Chapter 2. Otherwise, you might be confused.  
><strong>_~~~

_I frowned, wondering who'd be ringing my doorbell at such hours. Getting up from my laptop, I made my way to the door and looked through the peephole. _

_Instant fear shot through my spine._

_It was him._

_I backed away quickly, looking for places to hide._

_BOOM!_

_To my utter horror, I turned in time to see the door being knocked down. I told myself to run, to hide, because I knew how this would end, but I couldn't move fast enough, I couldn't even make a sound._

_I felt him yank my arm roughly and a tear fell down my cheek with the pain._

_I struggled, I cried soundless pleas, I kicked and shoved, but he was too strong. _

_And then, suddenly, he was gone._

_I was alone._

_The whole scene shifted and I was in my living room. My current apartment living room._

_The relief that flooded through my body left me weak in the knees._

_I sunk down on a couch, closing my eyes briefly. Oh thank God._

_When I opened them, he was there._

_I jumped and sprinted in the opposite direction but he was there again! _

_There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide._

_He was _everywhere.

_He was getting bigger and bigger, like the monster he was, making me cower against the wall. I tried to beg and I felt myself cry but again, no sound came out._

_I could hear him, though. His bitter laughter._

"_Did you really think I wouldn't find you?" He sneered at me, his hand on my chin, holding it firmly in place._

_There was a horrific glint in his eyes, one I had never seen before. One that made me fear for my life._

_My body shook with my sobs. _

"_You're mine, Bella. Never forget that." And then he plunged his hot tongue down my throat. _

_It felt revolting. I didn't respond, I couldn't move. His hands were all over me.._

"NO!" I woke up with a start, shaking and looking around wildly. I couldn't see anything. I felt hands on me.

Somebody was touching me. I fought against them, screaming.

"Bella! _Bella_, it's just me. It's just me. You were having a nightmare. You're okay, you're okay..."

_Edward. _

I counted to ten slowly to calm myself down, using the time to fully taking in my surroundings. I was still in his car, it was dark outside and… his hands were on my shoulders?

"I heard you mumbling… and screaming. I was going to wake you up. We're here," he explained quietly.

He sounded worried.

"Oh…" I took a shaky breath and wiped the wetness from my cheeks.

He slowly backed off me, letting the cool air from outside, sneak in through the open door. His eyes were wide and looked gray in the darkness. He was observing me carefully, probably to make sure I wouldn't faint or have a mental breakdown.

I just might.

I stumbled out of the car, my chest still heaving. I swallowed and tasted _his_ acid flavor in my mouth. This triggered my gag reflex and Edward's arms shot forward, before he seemed to think better of it and brought them back down.

"You ok?"

I nodded. "Yeah." He didn't seem convinced.

I couldn't help but feel that _he_ was watching me. I got this feeling sometimes, when I did things I know he wouldn't approve of. _I hated it._

I looked up and noticed we were actually parked in his driveway. No other car was there.

_So he _was _single._

I was right in front of his house. It was fairly big, not a mansion, but definitely better than my apartment. Now that I reallylooked around, _every_ house in this neighborhood was like this. Big, made of light colored bricks. Beautiful houses, really. Trees surrounded them, gorgeous, tall trees that were a deep shade of green, making them look like they were part of the forest. It mindlessly occurred to me how their color matched Edward's perfectly.

He walked to the door of the house, unlocking it, and I quickly followed. I couldn't help but think how much better this would be if we were friends.

It could be like a playful sleepover, something friendly and fun. But the circumstances were quite the opposite, unfortunately…

I mean, sure, we were playful during sessions, but he was still my _therapist._ The polite awkwardness was still present. I didn't want that. I never really got to see the _real him._ I wanted to know him.

I was actually very shocked by the intensity of how much I wanted him to be my friend. Because he was exactly what I needed. I had unconsciously labeled him as a friend in my mind, which I knew was very dangerous. Because I couldn't have that. I couldn't have his friendship.

He opened the door for me, with a polite "Make yourself at home" and I walked in.

The first thing that hit me was his scent. It was everywhere, it was amazing. No perfume could ever be compared to the smell that was _Edward. _I breathed it.

The second thing I noticed was a piano against the wall to the left, since it was the first thing one saw when entering. It wasn't a grand piano, like the millionaires had, but it was black and shiny and beautiful. What I would give to hear him play. To the right was a staircase. I walked further in, letting my curiosity trump my manners. To the left there was a kitchen, simple enough, and to the right, a living room. Against the back wall were some screen doors.

I noticed that there were pictures hung on the walls of every room. Some black and white, some in color. They were each of very different things. People, landscapes, a music piece, a sunset.

Anything, really.

I studied one of a boat on a lake closely. "This is pretty," I murmured. "Did you take these?" I gestured around me.

"Thank you and yes, I did. It's a… hobby of mine," he answered absently, lost in the picture as well.

"This seems like a big house for one person," I wondered out loud, before realizing how rude I was being.

For some reason, it seemed to instantly snap him back to the present though. His light smile disappeared and his eyes met mine before simply replying, "I wasn't always alone."

_Oh._

He raked his hand through his hair and sighed deeply.

"So," he said in a fake light voice - before I could say anything else- effectively breaking the thick atmosphere in the room. "This way." He nodded his head to the stairs and I followed, not daring to open my mouth again. Who knew what'd come out.

He led me to a room that could only be his. One queen-sized bed, a bathroom, a closet, expensive-looking furniture and even more pictures on the walls was all it was. No biggie. I thought of my twin sized bed in the apartment. Sometimes I wish I had a decent job that paid as much as his did, so I could have nice things.

_Some day_, I told myself.

Edward was muttering something from inside the closet, and I quickly made my way over to him to catch what he was saying.

"…don't have much that'll fit you, but this will do, I guess." He handed me a shirt.

My heart clenched. I had never worn guys' clothes before. Ever. I knew it was not the time, but my cheeks warmed involuntarily.

_Wasn't this supposed to turn them on?_

_Oh my God shut _up.

Then I realized I was still staring wide-eyed at the shirt in my hands like I was mentally challenged.

I looked up at him. He cocked an eyebrow at me.

_Afasghassydfuksdjkk. Say something._

"O-oh, its fine. I mean, I kinda ruined your shirt," I smiled and pointed at the black mascara marks on his shirt. "I'm just grateful that you're giving me something to sleep in, so I won't have to sleep naked."

_Oh sweet Christ. Never mind. Stop talking._

Thankfully that made him laugh, and not run away. I grimaced at my lack of filter between my brain and mouth, which only made him laugh harder.

"Right, well," he was still chuckling, "I never really liked that shirt anyway. C'mon."

He led me by the arm to a room across the hall, which must've been the guest room. "Here you are. So the bathroom's right there," he pointed to a door, "there are towels and extra toothbrushes under the sink, I believe, and… I think you should be fine."

I nodded, still not making eye contact.

"Well… goodnight Bella." The awkwardness was back.

Was he going to kiss my cheek? A hug maybe? All I got was a tight smile and he turned to leave.

_Disappointment._

"Wait. Edward… I'm kind of thirsty, do you have anything to drink?" I asked quietly.

He turned back around, "Um, yeah, there's lots of stuff in the fridge downstairs, should I get you something?"

"Oh, no, I can get it; I think I'll just get some water. I just wanted to let you know, so you wouldn't think I was stealing something downstairs or whatever," I smiled wryly.

He scoffed quietly. "Like you'd steal anything from me, Bella." I may have imagined it, but I think he shot me a quick wink. _Why was he so attractive _all the time_ God dangit._

"Help yourself with anything, then. Have a good night." He smiled more genuinely this time, and walked to his room, where the door was shut and he was out of my sight.

_His wink though._

_It should be in a magazine._

Shaking my head to clear it, I put the shirt that was clenched in my grasp on the bed and tip-toed my way down the stairs.

I'd told Edward I was thirsty, but honestly, I still felt _him _here. Like a thick fog in the back of my mind that never went away. I couldn't stand the paranoia. I could still taste his tongue and I needed something to replace the foul acid, even if it was all in my head.

Once in the kitchen, I opened the fridge to inspect what I was working with. He had a decent variety of juices, sodas, water, milk, and… _hey. _What's this?

I caught a glimpse of some amber colored bottles at the back. Edward drank beer?

Despite everything, I giggled.

He seemed like the type to drink tea all the time, but then again, I reminded myself that I really didn't know him at all.

_Don't._

I jumped.

I heard _him. _He didn't approve. I clenched my teeth.

I no longer felt scared, I felt angry.

His disgusting taste was in my mouth and I needed something strong to get it out. And help me forget.

It's not like I'd get drunk, I just wanted a small buzz so I could sleep in peace.

_And he did say I could help myself to anything._

I reached for a bottle and opened it with a bottle opener I found on the fridge.

_Screw you, Jacob._

As I put the third bottle down, I had never felt better. Aside from the room slightly spinning, the buzz was great. Enjoyable.

After throwing the bottles away, I felt my way up the stairs, stumbling everywhere, which made it really hard to control my giggles.

Eventually, I found "my" room and turned on the lamp. I slipped on Edward's shirt, which barely managed to cover my butt. It smelled like him. I inhaled deeply, relishing in his scent.

I just let myself fall on the bed, grinning like an idiot.

I liked Edward. Not _liked _liked, but I wanted him.

Especially knowing that _he_ didn't approve. I frowned deeply. I can do whatever I want!

Suddenly, I was enraged. How dare _he_ think he owns me? Whatever I do does not concern _him_!

I thought of Edward's soft lips, his wild, beautiful hair and his deep green eyes…

His perfect smile and perfect hands. I thought of his hands touching my face, my arms… lower down.

A tiny spark lit in my belly. I knew the alcohol was talking its toll but I couldn't think of a reason why I couldn't do whatever I wanted. I wanted him.

I got up, and fumbled my way to his room, feeling like a spy. I stifled a snicker.

His door was half open, but the lights were turned off. Maybe he was asleep. Darn.

I made my way inside and though my vision was fuzzy, I could see movement from the bed.

"Bella?" He sounded shocked.

"Edward, you're awake!" I said happily and climbed on his bed. "Whoa…it's so high." I giggled, steadying myself.

"W-What are you doing here?" he stammered, still alarmed, as he pulled himself into a sitting position.

"Oh, I just wanted to cuddle," I said, shrugging and pulling myself close to him.

"That's not-"

"Actually, I was wondering if you'd make love to me?" I rolled on his lap. I wanted him more than anything else, now. And I was going to have him.

I could hear his sharp intake of breath.

"I don't think- wait… Bella, are you drunk?" His hands were gripping my arms firmly, restraining any more movement from me.

"No."

"Let me smell your breath."

I smiled down smugly at him, "You can taste it." And then I went straight for his soft lips.

He turned his head in the last millisecond, and my lips collided with his jaw.

_Darn._

I kissed down his jaw for a second, before I felt myself being lifted off to the side.

I pouted angrily. "Edward don't you want me?"

"I… Bella, this is hardly appropriate."

I crossed my arms. "Oh, and inviting me over to spend the night at your house and giving me your t shirt to wear _is_?"

He grunted in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What the hell was I supposed to do?" he shot back harshly. "It's not like I meant for this to happen. I couldn't leave you there by yourself."

Even in my drunk stupor, I was stunned. I had never heard him talk like that.

Slowly, I started to feel myself come back from my high, and into reality. I felt very foolish. The familiar feeling of rejection swept over me and I felt a teardrop fall from my eye.

A warm thumb wiped it off and I looked up to find Edward's face contorted in pain.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to snap at you like that… I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. But you don't really want this, you're not yourself right now," he murmured softly.

"I know. I was so stupid, God, I'm sorry. I keep apologizing. I'm sorry." He scoffed quietly.

"I…just…I don't know." More tears. I wish I could make them stop. "I should've known you wouldn't want me that way…" I hiccupped a small sob.

"No..." he pulled me against his warm chest, which I noticed, was bare. I wish I could touch it.

"Don't ever think you're not desirable. It would be a crime."

A warm sensation radiated through my body, but this one was completely different. It felt… nice.

And there was nothing else to be said.

I stayed in his arms as he whispered how important I was in my ear, until I stopped shaking. And soon after, I drifted to sleep.  
>~~~<p>

**I know she was acting crazy, but she has a good excuse. _Review._**


	6. Chapter 6: Hesitation

_**Sorry I took so long. I'm behind. Oh and yes, I changed the title because of reasons. I'll try not to do it a lot, but I usually change my mind a lot :/  
>~~~<strong>_

Edward's POV:

It wasn't until very much later that Bella's shudders lessened and her breaths evened out. She was still in my arms and one look down at her told me that she was fast asleep.

_I really shouldn't have fucking told her to help herself to anything._

Not that this was predictable, but still. Now look at the situation I'm stuck in.

_Fuck._

_Should I wake her?_ No, she should rest… she would only wake up to throw up, judging from all the alcohol I smelled.

I looked down at her and noticed some dried tears on her cheeks. I studied her profile closely. Her eyelashes, her natural light blush that fired up whenever I smiled at her...

She was gorgeous. I knew I couldn't deny the fact that she was attractive, but I could control the direction my thoughts went and it was about time I really started trying. Her pink lips were still plump and the flashing image of her on top of me, kissing down my jaw, wearing nothing but my t-shirt and her panties, went straight to my groin.

_Shit. Maybe I couldn't control my thoughts._

Before I let that thought tempt me, I carefully picked her up and her arms automatically tightened around my neck, burying her face into me. I instantly tensed, and slowly checked to see if she had woken up.

Her eyes were still closed and restless behind her eyelids. I breathed out a long sigh of relief before taking her to the guestroom. Her sleeping in my bed was definitely not an option. This had already gone further than I intended it to.

I gently set her down on the bed, but her arms wouldn't loosen. She wasn't going to let me go.

"Bella…" I whispered into her ear. "Bella, you have to-"

"Edward?" Her whimper broke my heart. She was sleep-talking.

I meant to break her grasp and walk away, I swear I did. But "I-I'm right here," is what came out instead.

"Ed…ward…don't leave. I-I'm sorry. Please don't leave me," she begged.

"I'm not going anywhere," I found myself saying, "I'm not leaving you, Bella."

And with that, she pulled me on her bed, so that I was hovering over her. She clung to me, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Whoa," I breathed, and shifted us to a less awkward position on our sides. With all the strength in the world, I reached back and unlatched her legs from my waist, because that really was not helping to keep my thoughts clean.

I may be her therapist, but I was still a man.

She stirred around, murmuring my name and snuggled up against my chest. Her cheek was flushed and hot against my bare skin.

_Was she dreaming of me?_

I shook my head. It didn't matter.

I glanced down at her petite figure in my arms. I ran my eyes over her angelic features for the hundredth time. She had her lower lip between her teeth and a light frown on her face.

She always did that; I wonder where that habit originated from. I didn't like it. It was like her teeth insisted on destroying that plump bottom lip of hers.

"Don't do that…" I whispered to no one and gently pulled it out from her teeth with my thumb.

A small smile replaced the frown, and with her hair mussed up so perfectly as it was… my heart clenched at the breathtaking sight. This was not right. But I couldn't leave her. How could I? Ripping myself out of her arms would be the only way out now, and she'd surely wake up, hurt, and then she might throw up and more fuckery.

So with her in my arms, still quietly mumbling my name, I eventually fell asleep and dreamt of angels with chocolate brown eyes.  
>-<p>

BPOV

The first thing I registered when I woke up was the blinding light.

_Owww._ It made my head hurt and my eyes sting.

_What happened last night? _As soon as the thought entered my mind, a million hazy images and flashbacks surged through my brain; of me finding beer, me going to Edward's room, me…

Oh God.

Please no. _Please please please please no._

But I knew it had happened. I threw my arm over my face and groaned, remembering what I had said. And done.

_Or tried to do._ My face was burning.

How could I have been so stupid? …What was happening to me?

Now I felt awful physically and painfully embarrassed emotionally. _Great._

How was I even going to deal with this? What if he couldn't give me sessions anymore because of what happened?

Panic shot up my spine and I sat up.

_Ugh. Bad idea._

After a few minutes of convincing myself that I wasn't going to throw up, I opened my eyes and found a glass of water and a few pills on the bureau next to the other side of the bed.

Huh.

As I reached over to take them, I couldn't help but notice the spot next to me on the bed was quite warm.

As I looked myself in the mirror, I knew what I was going to do.

I was just going to go in there, smile, pretend nothing happened.

I'd say I didn't remember anything. I was drunk, for God's sake, it's _believable_.

I had slipped on yesterday's clothes and was giving myself a once-over. My eyes were pretty red and looked tired. My skin had a sickly color, my long hair was a tangled mess and I felt like crap, but it had to do.

I took a deep breath and slowly wobbled my way outside. I heard the shower running from his room and blushed, involuntary thoughts popping in my mind.

Okay, this would make things considerably easier.

I made my way down the stairs carefully and to the kitchen.

Casual. I could do that.

_Hey Edward, just caaaasually making breakfast. Y'know. Nothing strange here. Wonderful weather we're having?_

I rolled my eyes at myself and opened the fridge. Ignoring the few beer bottles at the top that made me chew on my lip, remembering, I found all the ingredients to make omelettes and got started.

I was pretty much into my work, until a noise behind me caught my attention. It was the sound of someone coming down the stairs. _Splendid._

I turned around with my fake smile already in place and… froze in my tracks.

It was Edward.

He was running a hand through his hair. His _dripping _hair. He was all wet, even his eyelashes and his water-darkened hair made his eyes look a glorious bright greenish gray. His lips were wet. The droplets from his hair ran down his bare chest and under the towel on his waist.

_Oh my God. _

That towel couldn't be secure, by the way it hung off his hips. I looked up to meet his wide eyes, obviously shocked to see me.

My breath hitched._ Dang it, casual Bella, casual._

"Oh, hey Edward," I said as nonchalantly as I could and quickly returned to my work.

"Bella. I was-"

"Coming downstairs to find clothes, I suppose. That's fine, when you're dressed, you could come join me for breakfast, if you want. Hope you don't mind, I made omelettes." And then I _threw a smile at him over my shoulder._

"Oh…sure. Okay."

Who knew I'd leave Edward Cullen speechless. Seriously, where did that come out of?

I was feeling pretty proud of myself as I filled our plates with food, when I felt something hard in my pocket. Setting the plates down, I pulled it out and realized it was my phone. I had completely forgotten about it.

I gasped audibly as the screen flashed on.

_27 missed calls from: Angie_

Angela. _Crap!  
>~~~<em>

_**Oh snap. So, EPOV. Good? Not good? Tell me. REVIEW.**_


	7. Chapter 7: Overthinking

_**Sorry…busy again. Heh. On the bright side I already wrote the lemon? Now we have to get there.. x_x  
>~~~<strong>_

We drove in anxious silence the whole way to the apartment. I had only typed a quick "I'll be there in 15 minutes" to Angela before basically inhaling breakfast and rushing Edward to drive me home.

I didn't want to go, I really didn't, but I couldn't even imagine how worried Angela was.

Once we got there, I said bye to Edward, but he insisted on walking me.

"You could've just stayed in the car, you know," I pointed out, as we walked.

He shrugged, "That'd be rude."

I went up the little steps and knocked on the door.

It immediately flung open in five seconds and I was engulfed by arms.

"Bella!" Angela cried out.

"Hey Ang… sorry I forgot to text you. I forgot my key and Edward," I gestured to him, "let me spend the night at his house. Since, you know, I'd probably end up right outside this door until you came back.." I laughed nervously. "Oh, this is Edward. My therapist."

I saw her eyes widen when he smiled at her and they shook hands.

"Hey, nice to meet you, Angela."

"Er… you too…" She was still dumbstruck. Probably trying to decide if he was real or not. Couldn't blame her.

"Okay," her wide eyes shifted back and forth between us, "um, do you want to come in?"

"Oh no, I just wanted to say hi; I really should be leaving."

_Dang it._

"Oh okay… well, it was a pleasure," she said, trying to sound casual while still shamelessly staring at him.

"Likewise. I'll see you for our next session on Thursday, Bella?" He turned to look at me.

"Yep," I squeaked.

_Oh now I see why Ang would be a little dazzled._

He smiled and walked back to his car, which drove away as I felt Ang's stare on me. I sighed as I turned back to face her.

She was looking at me incredulously.

"What?" I said blankly.

"You very well _know_ what." She was starting to grin now.

"_What?"_

Instead of answering, she grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside.

"Seriously Ang, what's going on? I already apologized-"

"I don't care about your apologies!" she giggled. "Were you just not going to tell me that your therapist is explosively hot?"

That made me snort. "Explosively? How can someone-"

"You know what I mean! Bella, he's like… really sexy."

I bit my lip. "Well, yeah. I've told you that he's attractive…"

"But not _that_ attractive."

"Angela, you have a boyfriend!"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes, and I love Ben. But I can't deny that that guy is just… unf." She fanned herself playfully and I scoffed.

"_Okay_."

"He probably has chicks all over his dick, huh?" she mused.

I don't know why but the thought of that made me want to punch a wall. "Yeah, probably," I said through gritted teeth.

She beamed at me for a long time. I grew uncomfortable, but couldn't help smiling back. It was contagious.

"What?" I finally exploded.

"You like him," she said in a sing-song voice, her eyes gleaming.

I felt my face heat up. "I do not!"

"You do. And he likes you too," she grinned wider.

"What? That's not- wait, why do you think he likes me?" I quickly backtracked.

She gave me an annoying knowing glance.

"Because I can tell. The way you guys look at each other."

I looked down. I did _not_ like him. That was crazy.

I shook my head at her, "You're insane."

She shrugged it off. "Wait… you guys didn't…_do_ anything while you _slept_ over at his house right?" her eyes were wide again.

I immediately flushed ten shades of red as the previous night's events came flooding back.

"N-no!" I stuttered.

"Bella!"

I covered my flaming face with my hands. "Seriously, nothing did happen…"

"Then why are you all jittery?" she crossed her arms.

My voice was muffled. "B-because… I might've attempted…to." I peeked at her through my fingers.

She was squealing. "Bella, you dirty girl."

"That's it. I'm done talking about this," I walked to the couch and sank into its cushions, my head pounding. "I need a nap."

Thankfully, she left me alone for the rest of the day. I loved her, but she was wrong about me and Edward and for some reason it was really annoying me. But I couldn't stop thinking about what she had said.

_Did he really like me?_

The thought made my stomach flutter before I mentally kicked myself. It didn't matter. _I_ didn't like _him._

It was wrong.

I just simply enjoy my times with him. I like how he makes me feel, I like him as a person, as a friend. Yes, he's insanely attractive, but he's still my therapist. I was just glad that even after acting like a complete freak the day before, having two mental breakdowns and seeing him half naked, we would try to resume the way it had always been.

He was so sweet. I didn't like him though.

_Then why did the thought of other girls all over him bother you?_

_Because shut up._

Oh, Edward…

I felt like there was more to him. Like, maybe… if we were friends, I'd get to know the _real him._ Not just Edward Cullen the therapist, but Edward the person. The twenty-something year old guy who'd probably be funny and silly and smart and cocky, yet intoxicatingly sweet.

But like any other human, he had problems to deal with.

It made me sad to think I was probably one of them. When he yelled and cursed last night, when I was being sarcastic about how appropriate things had been between us, I saw a sliver of the man who was _human._

The one that got angry with himself, and had problems in life, and had fears and insecurities and didn't always know how to act. Because, after all, as unbelievable as it seems, he wasn't perfect. He could make mistakes too. And me rubbing all up on him probably made his life a lot more complicated. Because there's no easy way to kindly reject me when I'm doing those things…

He has a job and in his job he isn't allowed to have even any sort of _friendship_ with his client.

Yep. I definitely made his life more complicated.

I groaned.

Sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon.

I sighed and rolled over on my side. Instead, then, I could spend time thinking about Edward. Just because I couldn't have him as a friend, or at all, didn't mean that I couldn't think about him.

I thought of his eyes. Those incredible shades of green that looked gray in the dark, framed with long, thick eyelashes. His wild hair… how it looked bronze in the light and begged to have fingers run through it. His strong jaw and perfect nose... his toned body… not bulky, yet very sexy. Especially with no shirt on.

I saved his lips for last. Their light pink color, how they looked so soft and sweet. How I had longed to feel them against my own.

And I no longer had any control of my thoughts as I eventually drifted to a deep sleep.

The days after that were terribly long and boring. Always the same routine.

Get up, go to class, make dinner, read a book, go to sleep.

Time ticked by in slow motion as I waited for Thursday to come.

On Wednesday night, I couldn't sleep. Unreasonable excitement bubbled up in my stomach at the thought of seeing him again in a few hours.

He'd talk to me, we'd be together, and everything would be alright.  
>~~~<p>

_**Hey bro. If you review, I think I'd cry from joy. Seriously. REVIEW.**_


	8. Chapter 8: Take care

_**No matter how hard I try to make these chapters long, it never works. Oh well. Short chapters it is. Oh and if you're reading this story and have not reviewed…would you be so kind? :)  
>~~~<strong>_

The blinding sunlight pouring through the window woke me up.  
><em>Was time was it?<br>_I rubbed my eyes lazily and stretched before getting up to start the day. _Wait... Thursday!_ Edward!  
>I snapped fully awake instantly and started to get ready<em>. <em>One look at the clock told me I was late, though, and I hastily threw on some clothes and sprinted to the kitchen.

Thankfully, Ang had made some breakfast and we gulped it down hurriedly before driving to school together.  
>_<p>

"So," she drawled on the way there, peering over at me. "It's Thursday."

I rolled my eyes at her, fighting the smile that threatened to take over, "So what?"

"You know what."

I shook my head and turned away so she wouldn't see my smile. It was crazy to be this happy! But I couldn't help it.

"You're excited," she went on. "So what will you tell him today?"

My smile faded along with my good mood. "He said… I should start talking about what was really bothering me. You know, the _reason_ why I'm there."

Her smile disappeared as well. "Oh… he's probably right," she said quietly, before patting my knee. "But you'll be fine. It won't be fun, but I feel like he won't do anything you can't handle. He'll take care of you, Bella."

I just nodded. "I know."  
>_<p>

The day dragged on. Minutes seemed like hours and hours seemed like days.

Even between classes, when Ang and I went to the Starbucks we always go to, I was in a bad mood.

Back at school, my eyes stayed glued to the clock in all of my classes.

I grew more and more impatient.

By the time I was in my Creative Writing class, my knee was shaking. A girl I think I talked to once was eyeing me curiously.

It seemed like ages by the time my last class was over. Ang and I went home and I quickly got ready for my session in half an hour.

"Bella, aren't you going to eat?" Ang shouted from the kitchen.

"No. Time!" I called back, while hastily running a bursh through my hair.

"Mhm, but there's always Edward Time…" I thought I heard her mutter.

_I'm not doing this for Edward,_ I told myself as I pushed a barrette in my hair.  
>_<p>

Parking in my usual spot, I nearly skipped through the parking lot. My mind was dreading our talk but my body was just jittery about seeing him again.

I hauled the door open, and there he was, in all his glory.

I had forgotten how intimidating he was, as he gazed down at me with those piercing green eyes.

_Oh gosh. What. Abort mission. I repeat, ABORT MISSION._

But oh my gosh there he was! Things really were back to normal. I didn't think I would miss him that much. Actually, it took all of my strength not to launch myself at him right then and there. But instead, I just croaked a "Hi" and offered him a small smile.

His cute half-smile would outdo mine any day. "Hey."

I surely looked like an idiot, just staring at him, but I couldn't help it. My heart was racing.

He interrupted my ogling by gesturing towards the door. "Should we get started?" he prompted.

I nodded quickly, followed him into the room and we both took our usual seats.

The thick atmosphere was suffocating me.

I didn't want to talk about it.

"We don't have to start with that," he said in a soft voice, as if he knew what I was thinking.

I nodded quickly, again, not knowing what to say.

Silence.

My leg started shaking. His eyes darted to the movement.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick-

"Pancakes or waffles?"

A small burst of laughter escaped my lips at the unexpected question.

_What in the world…_

I squinted my eyes at him playfully. "Neither. Crêpes."

He raised his eyebrows playfully back and chuckled. "Fancy."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, so fancy that they sell them at street corners in France. They only cost a few cents over there, you know," I pointed out.

"Mm. You've been?"

I snorted. "I've _read_."

"Would you like to go?"

"Of course," I shrugged, "I'm pretty sure anyone would."

"I suppose."

Before the silence could take over, I blurted out, "Okay, my turn."

"Hmm?"

"To ask you something."

He did that infuriating crooked smile I could never pull off and shrugged.

"Okay, um... how old are you exactly?" I had thought about this this morning. I didn't even know how old he was. _What if he was like thirty-six._

I heard him scoff quietly and looked up at him, startled, making sure he still couldn't read my mind.

_It wouldn't make a difference if he were thirty-six_.

_But no, he definitely seemed younger than that…_

My conflicting thoughts cut short by his voice. "Twenty-two."

_Oh, sweet relief. _Three years difference was fine. Wait what? What was I even considering?

I inwardly chastised myself.

"Any reason you were wondering?" His eyes were teasing me.

"I just… felt at a disadvantage," I lied, "You know like everything about me and I hardly know anything about you."

_Did he believe me? _I sneaked a glance at him. _Crap, he didn't believe me_.

"This isn't about being even, Bella. I'm supposed to know all about you. You don't need to know anything about me." I pouted and he fought a smile, trying to give me a stern look.

_Was this flirting?_

"Besides," he continued, "I don't know everything about you. Not yet."

I sighed shakily.

Okay.

"I know. I know."

A long moment of silence passed. His eyes never left mine as he waited patiently.

"Jacob was my best friend. We grew up together," I tried shrugging nonchalantly but it didn't come out quite right.

"He was kind of like a brother. We laughed together, cried together. We watched movies, took pictures, went for walks, chased each other… One time," I laughed shakily, "one time he had the stupid idea to fix up some motorcycles and that he'd teach me to ride. We got so hurt.

But as we grew up, things between us changed, like everything else." I gulped.

His eyes told me to go on.

"He was always the adventurer who went out looking for challenges; I was always the shy one who stayed home reading. So graduating high school, we both went to college in Forks. And you know, college parties. I never went, he would always go, obviously.

So one time, I guess he got really wasted and thought it'd be cool to show up at my house at 2 A.M. My dad, who was a police officer, had a late shift that night so I was home alone. As soon as I heard someone banging on the door I woke up, and went to see who it was. I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that my best friend was standing there, late at night, banging the door like he was about to knock it down, so I let him in.

He was mumbling nonsense, I couldn't understand him. Went I asked him what was going on, he started kissing me. I was shocked… and I immediately tasted the alcohol. I tried to push him away, I tried hitting him, I tried screaming. But he was too strong. He got the wrong idea. He saw it as encouragement. He never stopped, he only went further, and further until…" my voice cracked and I had to wait a little before I could trust myself to speak again.

I looked up and saw Edward's jaw was tightly locked and his hands were balled up. There was some fire in his eyes I couldn't quite decipher. It made him ten times more intimidating and I instinctively cowered back an inch.

Did I do something wrong?

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered.

His eyes softened instantly. "No, no, don't be. I'm just- keep going. No, actually, you can stop if it's too much."

I shook my head. I wasn't going to stop now.

"He was so rough, it was so painful. Emotionally too. And when he was done he simply walked out. I moved here. He's tried to contact me but I changed my phone number and I never talked to him again. I've been having nightmares until..." _I've been seeing you._ "Until I came here," I whispered, and I saw a tear fall down my cheek. I hadn't even realized when I started crying.

He handed me a box of tissues, which I took gratefully, even though I'd much rated have his warm thumbs wipe the tears off, like he did that night...

For once, he wasn't looking at me. He was brooding, looking at the ground. He seemed at war with himself about something. Like he was trying to control a part of him or decide whether or not to do something or just plain... conflicted.

"Was it your first time?" he asked lowly in a voice that didn't sound like his.

"...Yes." I felt more warm tears fall down my cheeks.

He said something I didn't catch, through gritted teeth, and the fire in his eyes flared up.

I realized then what the fire was. It was anger. No, not anger, it was plain _hate_.

_What had I done?_

"E-Edward.." I managed to say through the hiccups that overtook me whenever I cried hard. "I didn't mean to a-anger you."

His eyes shot to me then, wider than before and he reached for my hand then, holding it in between both of his.

I remembered what Ang had said, "_He'll take care of you, Bella."_

"No, Bella, I'm not angry with you. Thank you for telling me. I know it was hard. And I _will_ fix you," he said with a new edge to his voice. "You won't have to endure those nightmares again. I swear it."

And as I looked up at him, teary-eyed and feeling completely vulnerable, I believed him.

"Th-thank you. Honestly, I feel a lot better. I don't know how you do it. But thank you."

He gazed at me for a long time before simply whispering, "Our time is up. We'll continue next week, Bella."

His promptness caught me off guard and I blinked a few times before standing up.

My eyes swept over him, unsure of what to do, before simply walking away.

"Okay. Bye Edward," I said as I walked out the door.

I had really wanted to hug him but he was acting weird and it wouldn't be appropriate anyway.

As I walked out the office door, I may have imagined it, but I thought I heard something crash from behind me.  
>~~~<p>

_**Uh-oh. What's up with Edward?**_

_**REVIEW please. Pretty please?**_


	9. Chapter 9: Mistakes

_**No matter how hard I try to make these chapters long, it never works. Oh well. Short chapters it is. Oh and if you're reading this story and have not reviewed…would you be so kind? :)  
>~~~<strong>_

The blinding sunlight pouring through the window woke me up.  
><em><br>Was time was it?  
><em>  
>I rubbed my eyes lazily and stretched before getting up to start the day. <em>Wait... Thursday! <em>Edward!

I snapped fully awake instantly and started to get ready_. _One look at the clock told me I was late, though, and I hastily threw on some clothes and

sprinted to the kitchen.

Thankfully, Ang had made some breakfast and we gulped it down hurriedly before driving to school together.  
>_<p>

"So," she drawled on the way there, peering over at me. "It's Thursday."

I rolled my eyes at her, fighting the smile that threatened to take over, "So what?"

"You know."

I shook my head and turned away so she wouldn't see my smile. It was crazy to be this happy! But I couldn't help it.

"You're excited," she went on. "So what will you tell him today?"

My smile faded along with my good mood. "He said… I should start talking about what was really bothering me. You know, the _reason_ why I'm there."

Her smile disappeared as well. "Oh… he's probably right," she said quietly, before patting my knee. "But you'll be fine. It won't be fun, but I feel like he

won't do anything you can't handle. He'll take care of you, Bella."

I just nodded. "I know."  
>_<p>

The day dragged on. Minutes seemed like hours and hours seemed like days.

Even between classes, when Ang and I went to the Starbucks we always go to, I was in a bad mood.

Back at school, my eyes stayed glued to the clock in all of my classes.

I grew more and more impatient.

By the time I was in my Creative Writing class, my knee was shaking. A girl I think I talked to once was eyeing me curiously.

It seemed like ages by the time my last class was over. Ang and I went home and I quickly got ready for my session in half an hour.

"Bella, aren't you going to eat?" Ang shouted from the kitchen.

"No. Time!" I called back, while hastily running a bursh through my hair.

"Mhm, but there's always Edward Time…" I thought I heard her mutter.

_I'm not doing this for Edward,_ I told myself as I pushed a barrette in my hair, _I'm doing this for me._  
>_<p>

Parking in my usual spot, I nearly skipped through the parking lot. My mind was dreading our talk but my body was just jittery about seeing him again.

I hauled the door open, and there he was, in all his glory.

I had forgotten how intimidating he was, as he gazed down at me with those piercing green eyes.

_Oh gosh. What. Abort mission. I repeat, ABORT MISSION._

But oh my gosh there he was! Things really were back to normal. I didn't think I would miss him that much. Actually, it took all of my strength not to

launch myself at him right then and there. But instead, I just croaked a "Hi" and offered him a small smile.

His cute half-smile would outdo mine any day. "Hey."

I surely looked like an idiot, just staring at him, but I couldn't help it. My heart was racing.

He interrupted my ogling by gesturing towards the door. "Should we get started?" he prompted.

I nodded quickly, followed him into the room and we both took our usual seats.

The thick atmosphere was suffocating me.

I didn't want to talk about it.

"We don't have to start with that," he said in a soft voice, as if he knew what I was thinking.

I nodded quickly, again, not knowing what to say.

Silence.

My leg started shaking. His eyes darted to the movement.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick-

"Pancakes or waffles?"

A small burst of laughter escaped my lips at the unexpected question.

_What in the world…_

"Neither. Crêpes."

He raised his eyebrows playfully. "Fancy."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, so fancy that they sell them at street corners in France. They only cost a few cents over there, you know," I pointed out.

"Mm. You've been?"

I snorted. "I've _read_."

"Would you like to go?"

"Of course," I shrugged, "I'm pretty sure anyone would."

"I suppose."

Before the silence could take over, I blurted out, "Okay, my turn."

"Hmm?"

"To ask you something."

He did that infuriating crooked smile I could never pull off and shrugged.

"Okay, um... how old are you exactly?" I had thought about this this morning. I didn't even know how old he was. _What if he was like thirty-six._

I heard him scoff quietly and looked up at him, startled, making sure he still couldn't read my mind.

_It wouldn't make a difference if he were thirty-six_.

_But no, he definitely seemed younger than that…_

My conflicting thoughts cut short by his voice. "Twenty-two."

_Oh, sweet relief. _Three years difference was fine. Wait what? What was I even considering?

I inwardly chastised myself.

"Any reason you were wondering?" His eyes were teasing me.

"I just… felt at a disadvantage," I lied, "You know mostly everything about me and I hardly know anything about you."

_Did he believe me? _I sneaked a glance at him. _Crap, he didn't believe me_.

"This isn't about being even, Bella. I'm supposed to know all about you. You don't need to know anything about me." I pouted and he fought a smile,

trying to give me a stern look.

_Was this flirting?_

"Besides," he continued, "I don't know everything about you. Not yet."

I sighed shakily.

Okay.

"I know. I know."

A long moment of silence passed. His eyes never left mine as he waited patiently.

"Jacob was my best friend. We grew up together," I tried shrugging nonchalantly but it didn't come out quite right.

"He was kind of like a brother. We laughed together, cried together. We watched movies, took pictures, went for walks, chased each other… One time," I

laughed shakily, "one time he had the stupid idea to fix up some motorcycles and that he'd teach me to ride. We got so hurt.

But as we grew up, things between us changed, like everything else." I gulped.

His eyes told me to go on.

"He was always the adventurer who went out looking for challenges; I was always the shy one who stayed home reading. So graduating high school, we

both went to college in Forks. And you know, college parties. I never went, he would always go, obviously.

So one time, I guess he got really wasted and thought it'd be cool to show up at my house at 2 A.M. My dad, who was a police officer, had a late shift

that night so I was home alone. As soon as I heard someone banging on the door I woke up, and went to see who it was. I didn't know what was going

on. All I knew was that my best friend was standing there, late at night, banging the door like he was about to knock it down, so I let him in.

He was mumbling nonsense, I couldn't understand him. Went I asked him what was going on, he started kissing me. I was shocked… and I immediately

tasted the alcohol. I tried to push him away, I tried hitting him, I tried screaming. But he was too strong. He got the wrong idea. He saw it as

encouragement. He never stopped, he only went further, and further until…" my voice cracked and I had to wait a little before I could trust myself to

speak again.

I looked up and saw Edward's jaw was tightly locked and his hands were balled up. There was some fire in his eyes I couldn't quite decipher. It made him

ten times more intimidating and I instinctively cowered back an inch.

Did I do something wrong?

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered.

His eyes softened instantly. "No, no, don't be. I'm just- keep going. No, actually, you can stop if it's too much."

I shook my head. I wasn't going to stop now.

"He was so rough, it was so painful. Emotionally too. And when he was done he simply walked out. I moved here. He's tried to contact me but I changed

my phone number and I never talked to him again. I've been having nightmares until..." _I've been seeing you._"Until I came here," I whispered, and I saw

a tear fall down my cheek. I hadn't even realized when I started crying.

He handed me a box of tissues, which I took gratefully, even though I'd much rated have his warm thumbs wipe the tears off, like he did that night...

For once, he wasn't looking at me. He was brooding, looking at the ground. He seemed at war with himself about something. Like he was trying to control

a part of him or decide whether or not to do something or just plain... conflicted.

"Was it your first time?" he asked lowly in a voice that didn't sound like his.

"...Yes." I felt more warm tears fall down my cheeks.

He said something I didn't catch, through gritted teeth, and the fire in his eyes flared up.

I realized then what the fire was. It was anger. No, not anger, it was plain _hate_.

_What had I done?_

"E-Edward.." I managed to say through the hiccups that overtook me whenever I cried hard. "I didn't mean to a-anger you."

His eyes shot to me then, wider than before and he reached for my hand then, holding it in between both of his.

I remembered what Ang had said, "_He'll take care of you, Bella."_

"No, Bella, I'm not angry with you. Thank you for telling me. I know it was hard. And I _will_fix you," he said with a new edge to his voice. "You won't have

to endure those nightmares again. I swear it."

And as I looked up at him, teary-eyed and feeling completely vulnerable, I believed him.

"Th-thank you. Honestly, I feel a lot better. I don't know how you do it. But thank you."

He gazed at me for a long time before simply whispering, "Our time is up. We'll continue next week, Bella."

His promptness caught me off guard and I blinked a few times before standing up.

My eyes swept over him, unsure of what to do, before simply walking away.

"Okay. Bye Edward," I said as I walked out the door.

I had really wanted to hug him but he was acting weird and it wouldn't be appropriate anyway.

As I walked out the office door, I heard a loud crash behind me.  
>~~~<p>

_**REVIEW please. Pretty please?**_


	10. Chapter 10: Friends

**I took twice as long because I think I'm losing readers…**

**I know not every reader leaves a review but my brain keeps thinking that way and it discourages me :/  
>~~~<strong>

"I've been good, Mom, really," I reassured her as I chopped the onions.  
>Visiting my mom and Phil every other weekend had become a ritual.<br>I liked it though, I'd help my mom with lunch, we'd catch up, and even though they'd never admit it, they secretly watched me to make sure I was okay, and not heavily traumatized.  
>"Has therapy helped, honey?"<br>I tiny smile spread across my face. "Mhm."  
>She looked at me curiously. "Is there something I'm missing here?"<br>I shook my head and willed myself not to blush.  
>"Bella, that's the most color I've seen on your face in months! What's going on?"<br>"Nothing, Mom! It's just... the onions."  
>"Lies. Tell me, what is it? Is it- Oh!" She grinned a cat-like grin. "Your therapist is attractive, isn't he?"<br>I threw my hands in the air. "How could you possibly get that from 'it's the onions'?"  
>"Aha! I knew it! Bella," she gasped, "don't tell me you like him!" she pointed an accusing finger at me.<br>"I don't!" I lifted my hands in defense.  
>"You really shouldn't try to lie, honey, your eyes are like an open book."<br>I scowled and went back to chopping onions.  
><em>I didn't like him.<em>  
>"Oh, Bella, what are you going to do?"<br>"I don't know," I muttered.  
>"Well, baby, he's your therapist. You should tell him how you feel."<br>I grimaced. "Do you know how uncomfortable that'd make him?"  
>"How he takes it would be his problem. It's his job to listen to what's on your mind."<br>_How he takes it would be his problem._ Images of his bloody knuckles flashed through my mind.  
>I wrinkled my nose. "He doesn't really take... disturbing things very well."<br>She frowned. "I'm not going to ask what you mean by that, but I stand by my statement."  
>I sighed. "Okay, Mom. Let's talk about something else."<p>

I buried my toes in the sand with each step as I walked. There was something soothing about the way the sand felt against bare skin. I relished in the feeling as I spread my blanket on the ground. I lied down and folded my arms behind my head, closing my eyes.  
>It was healthy to do this once in a while. I was just a person. With problems, like everyone else.<br>If I didn't take a break- just a small escape from reality- I think I'd go insane.  
>And my life has been more complicated than normal lately.<br>_That's an understatement._  
>It's funny, I thought to myself, how I could have sworn I had run out of emotions forever. That I could never be fully awake again. And now, every emotion I had was on overdrive, wearing me out.<br>It was Edward. Ever since I met him, things have been so odd. Everything seemed to be going a thousand miles an hour and my feelings were abruptly awakened. It made me feel better somehow; at least I could feel something.  
>I pushed all the stressful thoughts out of my mind and told myself to relax.<br>Maybe things would eventually go back to normal.

I woke to the feeling of wetness on my feet.  
>What?<br>When had I even fallen asleep?  
>The shore was nearly up to my ankles and I quickly got up and wrapped up my blanket.<br>One look around told me it must be around midnight.  
>I checked my phone.<p>

12: 17

Sunday, September 24

_2 New Messages_  
>-<p>

Click.

From: Angela. (1/2)  
>10: 57 p.m.<br>Bella where are you?

(2/2)  
>11:35 p.m.<br>Are you ok?

I rolled my eyes. She was worse than a wife.  
>I started walking back as I typed a quick reply.<br>Suddenly, something hard hit my torso and I stumbled back. Thankfully, a strong pair of arms caught me.  
>"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was walking-"<br>"It's okay, it's dark." There was a smile in his voice. Wait. I knew that voice.  
>"Edward?"<br>"Bella."  
>He let go of me and I laughed nervously. "We keep showing up in each other's lives. I think you should stop stalking me, Edward."<br>The white flash of his teeth told me he was grinning.  
>"Now what will I do with my free time?"<br>"Crossword puzzles?"  
>"<em>You're so funny<em>."  
>I laughed. It shocked me. It sounded real, not strained or fake, like I was used to.<br>It's like I was under a strange new high when I was with him. I felt my heart beat faster, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, he became more clear. He was stunning. His eyes were gray, the way they always were in the dark.  
>He looked down at the forgotten phone in my hands.<br>"Angela's wondering where you are?"  
>"Yeah.. it's getting pretty late, so."<br>"I guess I shouldn't keep you from her, then."  
>I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet.<br>_No, not ever_, a more selfish side of me corrected.  
>"Actually- um- I can tell her I'll be a while..."<br>My mother's voice rang through my mind, _tell him how you feel_.  
>"A-are you going to be here a little longer? I think I'd like just... hanging out with you. I mean, if you want. I don't want to be annoying." <em>Oh God, please shut up.<em>  
>He didn't say anything.<br>_He hates me he hates me he hates me…_  
>"Bella..." he said after a while, "we're…not friends. We're both here by coincidence."<br>_Ouch._  
>How could he say that?<br>Stupid. Of course he had to say that.  
>Of course we weren't friends. And I was so stupid to ever think otherwise.<br>"Right," I said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry, I should go."  
>I turned around, but he quickly grabbed my forearm, keeping me from going anywhere.<br>"Wait. I didn't mean it like that. I mean-" he ran a hand thought his hair and sighed.  
>"I'm not saying I don't <em>want<em> to be friends, I'm just saying I can't help you professionally if… we're not… professional."  
>"I know. I get it." I tugged my arm but he wouldn't let go.<br>"Bella..." he murmured. His voice was like melted honey.  
>I shook my head and got ready to ask him to let go when an idea popped in my head.<br>_I can't help you professionally if... we're not... professional._  
>Of course.<br>Why hadn't I thought of this before?  
>"What if... you don't help me professionally? What if I decide to quit my sessions with you? Could we be friends then?"<br>He frowned and I couldn't tell if he'd thought of this himself. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if trying to decide the right thing to say.  
>"I can't let you do that."<br>"What? Why not?"  
>"Because if you still need it... I can't deprive you of that. Your well-being comes first. If you didn't end up one hundred percent perfect, I'd never forgive myself."<br>If there were any possibility that butterflies could live in one's tummy, I'm pretty sure there were a bunch in mine. And they were having a party.  
>"Edward..."<br>_Tell him how you feel._  
>"This might sound crazy, but I don't think it's the sessions that help me. Not all of it, anyway. I think it's mostly... you. You help me forget, somehow. Of all the bad things." I couldn't be more grateful of the night. This way he couldn't see my raging blush that only intensified when he reached for my hand and entwined our fingers together.<br>_Friends did this. Friends held hands._

I imagine to anyone walking by, we must seem like a couple, though.  
>This was a pleasant thought.<br>"...Really? Being around me helps you? I could... be around. Only if you're absolutely sure. I could still help you, just not in the same way."  
>I just gripped his hand harder.<br>_He didn't reject me._  
>"Do you want to go for a walk?"<br>I nodded.  
>He led me to the shore and we started walking slowly, just enjoying each other's presence.<br>My phone buzzed in my hand. I jumped. I'd forgotten I had it.  
>I painfully let go of Edward's hand and read the text from Ang.<p>

12:26 p.m.  
>Bella!<p>

I quickly typed a "Will be there soon. With Edward" and quickly dropped it in my bag.  
>I unthinkingly reached for Edward's hand again and he squeezed mine gently.<br>"Problem?" he prompted.  
>I shook my head.<br>I tried for a change in direction, turning to look at the sea. "How much money would they have to pay you to get in the water right now?" I wondered out loud.  
>He scoffed. "Nothing. I was going to go for a swim, actually," I looked and realized that he <em>was <em>wearing swim trunks, it had just been too dark before to tell. "It's much more fun at night. In fact..." he turned to look at me with bright eyes, "get in with me."  
>"No!"<br>"C'mon... the water's always warm at night..."  
>"But-"<br>"Are you wearing a swim suit?"  
>"Yes, but-"<br>"Excellent." And the next thing I knew he was slipping his shirt off and I was hypnotized.  
>I caught my breath as the moonlight hit the skin of his toned stomach, then his chest. He couldn't see me, so I ogled as I pleased. As soon as he got his head through, I quickly averted my eyes.<br>"Fine," I sighed as I self-consciously removed my top and shorts. There's no way I could ever compete with the Greek god beside me, but at least the black bikini I was wearing accented the little curves I had.  
>He swept his eyes down my body for a split second and I felt the butterflies in my tummy flutter in reaction.<br>He took my hand and led us towards the water.  
>I felt the small waves hit my toes and he had been right; it was warm.<br>When the water reached my hip, he dove in and lied on his back.  
>He reached for my hand. "Get in."<br>"I don't want to go all the way in."  
>I only caught a glimpse of the playful light in his eyes before he tugged on my hand and I landed on top of him.<br>_Oh my God._  
>I was on top of him. And he was shirtless. And we were in the water. Together.<br>In my attempts to steady myself, I had run a hand down his bare chest. It was so smooth, so flawless. I had gasped quietly and straightened up.  
>"You're such a jerk! You're going to pay for that."<br>And then I attacked him. My goal was to push him down, but somehow I ended up on his back. His laughter and my squeals were the only things to be heard as he wrapped my legs around his waist, crossing my ankles and dove underwater.  
>I held on tight and admired the way his back muscles worked in synchronization as he swam with me on his back, in such a way that I never went below the water.<br>We played around for a few minutes after that, splashing each other, chasing after each other, acting like kids. It was refreshing. I hadn't felt this carefree in a while.

Edward insisted on walking me back. The moon and stars shining through the dark sky provided an almost romantic atmosphere.  
><em>Don't see it that way.<em>  
><em>He sees you as nothing more than friends. You are nothing more than friends.<em>  
>We were, of course, holding hands. To anyone else it might seem strange that friends this early would be at the holding hands level, but honestly it felt completely natural. Comfortable. I think our friendship started a long time ago, and we'd just been in denial. Now, it felt as if I'd known him forever.<br>Once we got to the front steps of my apartment, he turned to face me.  
>"I like being your friend, Bella." This was the real Edward. Behind all the fun and games, lied his sincere and beautiful soul.<br>"I like being your friend too, Edward." I was going to stop there, but instead I added, "And I really like spending time with you."  
>He half smiled and said, "We should spend more time together, then. What are you doing tomorrow?"<br>"Yes. I mean, n-nothing."  
>His smile grew wider. "Great. I'll call you."<br>I nodded and could practically hear Angela fangirling.  
>I knew it was time to say goodbye and the only thing keeping me from bursting into tears was his promise to see each other again tomorrow.<br>I looked up and was suddenly shocked at our proximity. We were almost touching. His eyes were hooded, and I thought I saw him lean in closer.  
><em>Oh my God he was going to kiss me.<em>  
>My heart was racing.<br>_How does one kiss?_  
>Instead, though, he simply wrapped his arms around me in a hug, much to my disappointment. I wasn't complaining though, his warm body felt very comforting against mine. And even with a layer of salt on him, he still smelled delicious as my nose pressed against his shoulder.<br>I don't know if he sensed my disappointment or if he really was a mind reader, but when he whispered "Bye Bella," in my ear, I heard a smirk in his voice.  
>He knew exactly what he was doing. Prick.<br>Alright, two could play at this game.  
>Just as he was letting go of me, I held him back to press my lips against his cheek.<br>I whispered back, "Bye, Edward," then quickly went inside, shutting the door on a very astonished-looking Edward.  
>~~~<p>

_**You should lick that button that says "Review".**_


	11. Chapter 11: Casual

**I took twice as long because I think I'm losing readers…**

**I know not every reader leaves a review but my brain keeps thinking that way and it discourages me :/  
>~~~<strong>

"I've been good, Mom, really," I reassured her as I chopped the onions.  
>Visiting my mom and Phil every other weekend had become a ritual.<br>I liked it though, I'd help my mom with lunch, we'd catch up, and even though they'd never admit it, they secretly watched me to make sure I was okay, and not heavily traumatized.  
>"Has therapy helped, honey?"<br>I tiny smile spread across my face. "Mhm."  
>She looked at me curiously. "Is there something I'm missing here?"<br>I shook my head and willed myself not to blush.  
>"Bella, that's the most color I've seen on your face in months! What's going on?"<br>"Nothing, Mom! It's just... the onions."  
>"Lies. Tell me, what is it? Is it- Oh!" She grinned a cat-like grin. "Your therapist is attractive, isn't he?"<br>I threw my hands in the air. "How could you possibly get that from 'it's the onions'?"  
>"Aha! I knew it! Bella," she gasped, "don't tell me you like him!" she pointed an accusing finger at me.<br>"I don't!" I lifted my hands in defense.  
>"You really shouldn't try to lie, honey, your eyes are like an open book."<br>I scowled and went back to chopping onions.  
><em>I didn't like him.<em>  
>"Oh, Bella, what are you going to do?"<br>"I don't know," I muttered.  
>"Well, baby, he's your therapist. You should tell him how you feel."<br>I grimaced. "Do you know how uncomfortable that'd make him?"  
>"How he takes it would be his problem. It's his job to listen to what's on your mind."<br>_How he takes it would be his problem._ Images of his bloody knuckles flashed through my mind.  
>I wrinkled my nose. "He doesn't really take... disturbing things very well."<br>She frowned. "I'm not going to ask what you mean by that, but I stand by my statement."  
>I sighed. "Okay, Mom. Let's talk about something else."<p>

I buried my toes in the sand with each step as I walked. There was something soothing about the way the sand felt against bare skin. I relished in the feeling as I spread my blanket on the ground. I lied down and folded my arms behind my head, closing my eyes.  
>It was healthy to do this once in a while. I was just a person. With problems, like everyone else.<br>If I didn't take a break- just a small escape from reality- I think I'd go insane.  
>And my life has been more complicated than normal lately.<br>_That's an understatement._  
>It's funny, I thought to myself, how I could have sworn I had run out of emotions forever. That I could never be fully awake again. And now, every emotion I had was on overdrive, wearing me out.<br>It was Edward. Ever since I met him, things have been so odd. Everything seemed to be going a thousand miles an hour and my feelings were abruptly awakened. It made me feel better somehow; at least I could feel something.  
>I pushed all the stressful thoughts out of my mind and told myself to relax.<br>Maybe things would eventually go back to normal.

I woke to the feeling of wetness on my feet.  
>What?<br>When had I even fallen asleep?  
>The shore was nearly up to my ankles and I quickly got up and wrapped up my blanket.<br>One look around told me it must be around midnight.  
>I checked my phone.<p>

12: 17

Sunday, September 24

_2 New Messages_  
>-<p>

Click.

From: Angela. (1/2)  
>10: 57 p.m.<br>Bella where are you?

(2/2)  
>11:35 p.m.<br>Are you ok?

I rolled my eyes. She was worse than a wife.  
>I started walking back as I typed a quick reply.<br>Suddenly, something hard hit my torso and I stumbled back. Thankfully, a strong pair of arms caught me.  
>"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was walking-"<br>"It's okay, it's dark." There was a smile in his voice. Wait. I knew that voice.  
>"Edward?"<br>"Bella."  
>He let go of me and I laughed nervously. "We keep showing up in each other's lives. I think you should stop stalking me, Edward."<br>The white flash of his teeth told me he was grinning.  
>"Now what will I do with my free time?"<br>"Crossword puzzles?"  
>"<em>You're so funny<em>."  
>I laughed. It shocked me. It sounded real, not strained or fake, like I was used to.<br>It's like I was under a strange new high when I was with him. I felt my heart beat faster, adrenaline pumping through my veins.

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, he became more clear. He was stunning. His eyes were gray, the way they always were in the dark.  
>He looked down at the forgotten phone in my hands.<br>"Angela's wondering where you are?"  
>"Yeah.. it's getting pretty late, so."<br>"I guess I shouldn't keep you from her, then."  
>I didn't want to say goodbye. Not yet.<br>_No, not ever_, a more selfish side of me corrected.  
>"Actually- um- I can tell her I'll be a while..."<br>My mother's voice rang through my mind, _tell him how you feel_.  
>"A-are you going to be here a little longer? I think I'd like just... hanging out with you. I mean, if you want. I don't want to be annoying." <em>Oh God, please shut up.<em>  
>He didn't say anything.<br>_He hates me he hates me he hates me…_  
>"Bella..." he said after a while, "we're…not friends. We're both here by coincidence."<br>_Ouch._  
>How could he say that?<br>Stupid. Of course he had to say that.  
>Of course we weren't friends. And I was so stupid to ever think otherwise.<br>"Right," I said in a voice barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry, I should go."  
>I turned around, but he quickly grabbed my forearm, keeping me from going anywhere.<br>"Wait. I didn't mean it like that. I mean-" he ran a hand thought his hair and sighed.  
>"I'm not saying I don't <em>want<em> to be friends, I'm just saying I can't help you professionally if… we're not… professional."  
>"I know. I get it." I tugged my arm but he wouldn't let go.<br>"Bella..." he murmured. His voice was like melted honey.  
>I shook my head and got ready to ask him to let go when an idea popped in my head.<br>_I can't help you professionally if... we're not... professional._  
>Of course.<br>Why hadn't I thought of this before?  
>"What if... you don't help me professionally? What if I decide to quit my sessions with you? Could we be friends then?"<br>He frowned and I couldn't tell if he'd thought of this himself. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if trying to decide the right thing to say.  
>"I can't let you do that."<br>"What? Why not?"  
>"Because if you still need it... I can't deprive you of that. Your well-being comes first. If you didn't end up one hundred percent perfect, I'd never forgive myself."<br>If there were any possibility that butterflies could live in one's tummy, I'm pretty sure there were a bunch in mine. And they were having a party.  
>"Edward..."<br>_Tell him how you feel._  
>"This might sound crazy, but I don't think it's the sessions that help me. Not all of it, anyway. I think it's mostly... you. You help me forget, somehow. Of all the bad things." I couldn't be more grateful of the night. This way he couldn't see my raging blush that only intensified when he reached for my hand and entwined our fingers together.<br>_Friends did this. Friends held hands._

I imagine to anyone walking by, we must seem like a couple, though.  
>This was a pleasant thought.<br>"...Really? Being around me helps you? I could... be around. Only if you're absolutely sure. I could still help you, just not in the same way."  
>I just gripped his hand harder.<br>_He didn't reject me._  
>"Do you want to go for a walk?"<br>I nodded.  
>He led me to the shore and we started walking slowly, just enjoying each other's presence.<br>My phone buzzed in my hand. I jumped. I'd forgotten I had it.  
>I painfully let go of Edward's hand and read the text from Ang.<p>

12:26 p.m.  
>Bella!<p>

I quickly typed a "Will be there soon. With Edward" and quickly dropped it in my bag.  
>I unthinkingly reached for Edward's hand again and he squeezed mine gently.<br>"Problem?" he prompted.  
>I shook my head.<br>I tried for a change in direction, turning to look at the sea. "How much money would they have to pay you to get in the water right now?" I wondered out loud.  
>He scoffed. "Nothing. I was going to go for a swim, actually," I looked and realized that he <em>was <em>wearing swim trunks, it had just been too dark before to tell. "It's much more fun at night. In fact..." he turned to look at me with bright eyes, "get in with me."  
>"No!"<br>"C'mon... the water's always warm at night..."  
>"But-"<br>"Are you wearing a swim suit?"  
>"Yes, but-"<br>"Excellent." And the next thing I knew he was slipping his shirt off and I was hypnotized.  
>I caught my breath as the moonlight hit the skin of his toned stomach, then his chest. He couldn't see me, so I ogled as I pleased. As soon as he got his head through, I quickly averted my eyes.<br>"Fine," I sighed as I self-consciously removed my top and shorts. There's no way I could ever compete with the Greek god beside me, but at least the black bikini I was wearing accented the little curves I had.  
>He swept his eyes down my body for a split second and I felt the butterflies in my tummy flutter in reaction.<br>He took my hand and led us towards the water.  
>I felt the small waves hit my toes and he had been right; it was warm.<br>When the water reached my hip, he dove in and lied on his back.  
>He reached for my hand. "Get in."<br>"I don't want to go all the way in."  
>I only caught a glimpse of the playful light in his eyes before he tugged on my hand and I landed on top of him.<br>_Oh my God._  
>I was on top of him. And he was shirtless. And we were in the water. Together.<br>In my attempts to steady myself, I had run a hand down his bare chest. It was so smooth, so flawless. I had gasped quietly and straightened up.  
>"You're such a jerk! You're going to pay for that."<br>And then I attacked him. My goal was to push him down, but somehow I ended up on his back. His laughter and my squeals were the only things to be heard as he wrapped my legs around his waist, crossing my ankles and dove underwater.  
>I held on tight and admired the way his back muscles worked in synchronization as he swam with me on his back, in such a way that I never went below the water.<br>We played around for a few minutes after that, splashing each other, chasing after each other, acting like kids. It was refreshing. I hadn't felt this carefree in a while.

Edward insisted on walking me back. The moon and stars shining through the dark sky provided an almost romantic atmosphere.  
><em>Don't see it that way.<em>  
><em>He sees you as nothing more than friends. You are nothing more than friends.<em>  
>We were, of course, holding hands. To anyone else it might seem strange that friends this early would be at the holding hands level, but honestly it felt completely natural. Comfortable. I think our friendship started a long time ago, and we'd just been in denial. Now, it felt as if I'd known him forever.<br>Once we got to the front steps of my apartment, he turned to face me.  
>"I like being your friend, Bella." This was the real Edward. Behind all the fun and games, lied his sincere and beautiful soul.<br>"I like being your friend too, Edward." I was going to stop there, but instead I added, "And I really like spending time with you."  
>He half smiled and said, "We should spend more time together, then. What are you doing tomorrow?"<br>"Yes. I mean, n-nothing."  
>His smile grew wider. "Great. I'll call you."<br>I nodded and could practically hear Angela fangirling.  
>I knew it was time to say goodbye and the only thing keeping me from bursting into tears was his promise to see each other again tomorrow.<br>I looked up and was suddenly shocked at our proximity. We were almost touching. His eyes were hooded, and I thought I saw him lean in closer.  
><em>Oh my God he was going to kiss me.<em>  
>My heart was racing.<br>_How does one kiss?_  
>Instead, though, he simply wrapped his arms around me in a hug, much to my disappointment. I wasn't complaining though, his warm body felt very comforting against mine. And even with a layer of salt on him, he still smelled delicious as my nose pressed against his shoulder.<br>I don't know if he sensed my disappointment or if he really was a mind reader, but when he whispered "Bye Bella," in my ear, I heard a smirk in his voice.  
>He knew exactly what he was doing. Prick.<br>Alright, two could play at this game.  
>Just as he was letting go of me, I held him back to press my lips against his cheek.<br>I whispered back, "Bye, Edward," then quickly went inside, shutting the door on a very astonished-looking Edward.  
>~~~<p>

_**You should lick that button that says "Review".**_


	12. Chapter 12: Realization

**_Even shorter mini-chapter because I felt it was all that was needed for now. I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks so updates might be a little late, but I'll still be writing. And I promise, next chapter will be longer and the chapter after that will be especially long_ :)**  
>~~~<p>

EPOV

_What could it be?_ I thought, as I lifted the bar again.  
>I liked bench pressing, it helped me think.<br>Something was drawing me to her and something was drawing her to me, but what? Why?  
>There had to be a good reason why suddenly she was always on my mind. Where was I going with this?<br>I was snapped out of my thought process by pain shooting up my arms.  
><em>Shit, I was still holding the bar up?<em> I put it back with a grunt and sat up.  
>Well, I was going to be sore in the morning.<br>My phone rang. I glanced at the name and smiled.  
>"Hey Alice."<br>"Edward!" her chirpy voice greeted me.  
>I chuckled. "How're you doing?"<br>"I'm great! What about you? How's work? We haven't spent much time together lately, I miss you. We all do. Even Rose, but she'll most likely deny it. Pfft. Wait. You_ have _been okay, right? Actually, you know what you need? To do something fun. You know there's a party at Newton's this Saturday. It's going to be really good, I hear. Jazz and I were planning to do a double-date thing with Rose and Em. You should come, Edward! It'd be so much fun. Oh, I'm not letting you talk, am I?"  
>I scoffed.<br>"Oops," she giggled, "sorry. So what do you think?"  
>It sounded interesting. But being the fifth wheel wasn't exactly my idea of a good time. Unless...<br>"Sounds good. Could I bring someone?"  
>Bella's face flashed in my mind. The thought of her at a party intrigued me.<br>A small pause.  
>"Sure!" she was smiling, I could hear it, "Who're you bringing? It's not one of your other friends is it? I don't like those girls. It's obvious you fool around with them and I know you told me not to get in your personal life, but I don't think-"<br>"No, Alice. I don't do that anymore." I sighed.  
>"Good. So... who is she?" The smile was back.<br>"Her name is Bella Swan. She's... a friend. She's a decent girl."  
>"A friend, huh?"<br>She was really starting to annoy me now.  
>"Yes, a <em>friend<em>."  
>"Okay, well I want to meet this friend. When are you going to see her again?"<br>"On Thursday, but-"  
>"Where? Is she coming over?"<br>"No... she's... look, I'll explain it to you tomorrow. I have to shower right now."  
>"Okay..." she said suspiciously. "I'm coming over on Saturday before the party. Tell her we could get ready together. I'll bring a few things."<br>"Alice-"  
>The phone went dead.<br>My fucking sister. I groaned and ran a hand through my hair.

I wrapped a towel around my waist as I got out of the bathroom to find some pants to sleep in.  
>While I was digging through my clothes, a familiar piece of blue cloth caught my eye.<br>It was the shirt. The shirt Bella wore. An image of Bella that night flooded my mind. Of how it fit just the right amount of big on her. I savored it.  
>Something about that little fact that she'd worn my shirt just ha my mind going straight to the gutter.<br>I shook my head to clear it and I pulled the shirt out, holding it in my hands for a moment.  
>I hadn't washed it...<br>I sniffed it. It still had a trace of her delicious scent. Like strawberries.  
>Without giving it a second thought, I slipped the shirt on. It was almost like she was with me. Almost.<br>I found some pants and lied down, staring blankly at the ceiling.  
>Why hadn't she brought that night up? Was she ashamed? Embarrassed?<br>She must remember.  
>That was the night our first boundary was broken.<br>...But why did I want more boundaries to be broken?  
>Why was it so important that she had never brought up that night? Why was it so hard to push her away?<br>Why was I so worried about Alice scaring her away?  
>Why was this shirt such a big deal?<br>Why was I so angry when she told me her story? What made me punch that wall?  
>Why was I terrified of telling her my story?<br>Why was she all I could concentrate on?  
>Why was she keeping me up at night?<br>These questions stirred in my mind, demanding answers. Her face came up a lot as I balanced on the edge of unconsciousness. Her cute brown eyes and how she bit that plump bottom lip. Her soft hair and her beautiful skin that would flare up delightfully from time to time. She was just so fucking beautiful.  
>And then like a slap in the face, it hit me.<br>My eyes snapped open.  
>Oh...<br>_Of course_.  
>I had a crush on Bella Swan.<p>

**_And he admits it. Haha, review?_**


	13. Chapter 13: Invitation

_**I'm back. I actually got ahead a few chapters!  
>**Let me know if the spacing gets weird again, I'm just going to leave it like this for now.<strong>_

* * *

><p>The days following that one, I wrote. A lot.<p>

Writing was my outlet when I felt things that needed to be let out. That needed to be expressed somehow. Besides the fact that it was the only thing I was actually good at.

It was good to write the way I had been. Healthy, even. To write things other than projects and stuff school made me stress about. Don't get me wrong, writing stories for school or even just for fun was, well, fun, but I needed a break once in a while.

It was almost like a diary. Except I could write in it whenever I wanted to.  
>And lately, I had been writing in it more and more often. Like today.<p>

The Wednesday night moon was shining through my open window, bright against the dark sky. Although its light was plenty, my lamp was on and I was staring at three pages of scribbling. I never quite understood why some girls always talked about boys when I was younger. I suppose I kind of understood now. How you wish you could tell everyone about him. How you remember his face better than your own. And you replay his voice in your mind. It's astonishing how much detail a mind could remember without you knowing it. And how you would watch over and over again the most precious moments, vividly, in your mind.

It was all Edward's fault.

Sometimes, I could swear he purposefully intimidated me. As if he enjoyed seeing me squirm.  
><em>Stupid green eyes and crooked smile.<em>

I scribbled furiously in my journal.

_But at the same time,_I thought to myself, _I had never felt more alive.  
><em>I chewed on my eraser thoughtfully.

And then, suddenly, I felt stupid. Here I was, analyzing and over-thinking his every glance and I probably never even crossed his mind.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I didn't think my thoughts could head south so fast. I rubbed my temple.  
>Or that Edward Cullen would be keeping me up at night. I sighed and closed my journal.<p>

* * *

><p>Deep breath.<br>In.  
>And out.<br>_Good._

I don't know why, but I always felt the nerves churn around in my stomach, the seconds before arriving.  
>I opened the door and spotted him immediately.<p>

He was leaning casually against the door-frame of his room. He was talking to an important-looking man next door, but their conversation trailed off when he saw me.  
>His familiarity brought an automatic wide smile to my face, but he discreetly darted his eyes towards the man, who eyed us carefully. I got the hint and dropped the smile as I walked up to him.<p>

"Hi Bella, how're you?" he murmured as he turned around to lead me inside. The man walked away as Edward shut the door behind him.

I wanted to hug him and laugh and act like normal friends should, but I didn't know if we were to that level yet. We'd hugged before, but the circumstances were different. And then there was the night at the beach where he broke all kinds of boundaries, but I wasn't sure that night was real. There was no proof it had happened. Neither one of us had acknowledged it. And honestly, it felt more like a dream.  
>So, instead, I just walked in normally like I did every Thursday and sat down.<p>

Except that things weren't the same. I had forgotten a lot of things after spending so much time with him outside of our professional bubble. I forgot how thick the atmosphere could get in here. How small the space was. How it felt as if nothing was hidden. How nervous I got under his gaze. How intimate it felt. How everything became a hundred times more intense. How a whisper could sound like a scream. It's strange how every boundary that was broken before, snapped back into place like a rubber band. Back to therapist and patient. It was strange and disappointing.

I cleared my throat.

"So, what's up with that guy?" I asked, pointing with my thumb to the closed door.

"My boss," he explained. "He finds us... suspicious." He got a sly smile on his face when he said this.

"Suspicious?"

As in there was_that_ kind of funny business going on between us?

"Can you elaborate on that?" I asked.

"Don't have to." His eyes were smiling. "You already know what I mean."

I blushed. _How did he do that?_

"Why would he jump to that conclusion though? Wouldn't it be kind of...obvious... if we were doing..._that_?"

Sometimes, my mouth mistakes the command _shut up_ with _embarrass yourself_.

And of course, he could see everything. I had a feeling he could see every thought that ran through my mind. It was unnerving.

"Not really." He smiled wider as he patted the wall behind him. "Sound proof."

"Oh." I blushed deeper and looked around the room to avoid his eyes.

"Speaking of walls, I see you got the hole covered." I pointed to the spot in the wall that had been painted over a slightly different shade than the rest.

I tried to imagine Edward punching a hole through a wall, but I couldn't do it. It wasn't the Edward I knew. But then again, I didn't actually know the real  
>him. I'd only gotten glimpses.<p>

"Yes..." he mused. Then his playful eyes flashed towards me. "Of course you wouldn't have to worry about that. Since you fainted like a little girl."

One boundary broken. A million more to go.

"Blood makes me nervous," I defended.

He leaned in a millimeter and spoke barely above a whisper.

"What else makes you nervous?"

He knew what I was going to say. I knew what I was going to say.

"You already know," I taunted.

_How does your own medicine taste like?_

He smiled, flashing his perfect white teeth. "I do."

His smile made me smile.

When he had I given him this much control over my emotions?

I avoided his eyes once more and my gaze landed on something else I'd been thinking about.

"Since it's my last time here-"

"Maybe," he interjected.

I gave him a questioning look, but kept going.

"There's one thing I've always wanted to know," I admitted, looking back around the room.

He waited.  
>I fidgeted.<p>

"Well... um, what's in those drawers over there?" I pointed to the ones against the wall.

A long pause. Then finally, "I'll show you."

He stood up and fished out a keychain from his pocket, the same one he used to unlock the drawer with the forms when we first met, months ago. They couldn't all be forms.  
>There had to be something more.<br>He slowly unlocked a random drawer and what he took out was not what I was expecting.  
>A set of handcuffs, dangling from his pinky finger. He watched me intensely, making me blush furiously.<p>

An even longer pause."Um, w-why?"

"I use it with some of my patients."

As visual therapy," he explained. "They talk about what they feel when they see some of the objects I show them. For those who have been abused with  
>these items. It's familiar to them."<p>

"Oh," was all I could say.

He opened another drawer. Rope.  
>Another drawer. A pocket knife.<br>Another. A blindfold.  
>Another. A gag.<br>Panic rose up inside me.

"You can stop now," I whispered.

He inspected me closely. "Am I scaring you?"

I raised my chin. "I'm not scared. I'm just... shocked."

"Hmm." A smile played at his lips.

He put them back, locked the drawers, and came back to sit across from me.

"Do... any of them... y'know, try anything with you? When you show them the, um, items?"

I knew it was a personal question, but I was too curious, and the question was out before I could think twice about it.

His eyes gleamed. "Are you asking me if my patients have tried to make sexual advances on me?"

I scowled. "No need to make the question more awkward than it is."

He chuckled and leaned back in his seat.

"Yes, you could say so." He shrugged.

"...I could say so?"

"Let's put it this way. A girl last week attempted to put the handcuffs on herself and asked me to do some things to her that I'm not going to mention,  
>but I'm sure you get the idea."<p>

"Oh gosh."

"Exactly."

"What did you do?" I blurted.

He raised an eyebrow at me and I shook my head, embarrassed.

The answer was obvious. It was stupid to think he'd actually…

I shook my head again, but this time at myself.

"These reactions are to be expected," he said. "Many are left damaged much worse internally than externally and continue to be unstable. It's my job to  
>help them."<p>

"I just don't see why they would do that. It's like they lose it for a minute, or something."

"Like I said, not stable. A lot of different people react differently to abuse. It's rather interesting. Some shy away from everything and everyone, they keep to themselves and never trust anyone again. Others react the opposite way, to prove they are in control of their bodies to do what they like with them. A lot of people didn't think about sex as much before their abuse, but afterwards it's all they think about. Some have nightmares, some don't. Some end up fine. Every person is different, there's no telling how they'll will react. You were always one of my favorite patients, you know. Your mind is so interesting. It fascinates me."

"How so?"

"Well..." he leaned in just a little and spoke quickly and quietly, "You're saying right now you don't understand why people would "lose it" for a brief minute, yet didn't you? I know you remember that night at my house. Don't pretend you don't, you weren't that drunk. A small amount of alcohol gives someone fearlessness, they become braver, but they don't go mental. There was a little bit of truth behind your words and actions, you had some control and say in what you did.  
>Now, I don't know what you were thinking about before, but the fact that you wanted to practically jump me-" My eyes widened but he went on, without pause- "said to me that you wanted to show that your body was yours to do what you want with it. However, you're usually more of an introvert, are you not? You prefer to keep to yourself and you don't like to worry others. You like to believe that you are fine, and strong enough to handle anything, which is why it took you so long to seek help. I can see that by your relationship with Angela, too. From my experience getting to know you there's many sides to you. From friendly jokes to harsh sarcasm. From laughs to cries. You're shy, but I can see you can be very bold. You are never constant, you keep switching and I can never figure out what you're going to do next. Usually, once I get a grip on people, they become predictable. But you… nothing. That's what fascinates me."<p>

I couldn't find any words. I must've looked like a fish, my mouth opening and closing.  
><em>All boundaries have been broken. I repeat, all boundaries have been broken.<br>_He watched me closely.

"Am I really that easy to read?" I asked when I could speak again.

He thought for a minute. "Yes."

I sighed. "Awesome. Everyone can see right through me."

"Not everyone," he corrected. "I just observe you better than anyone. At first it was my job, but now… I enjoy it."

"Glad I can entertain you."

He laughed and the sound filled the room. "You know, when you're annoyed you look like a miffed little kitten pretending to be a ferocious lion."

I couldn't help it. I took a swing at him.

He caught my wrist, amused. "Easy, kitten."

I pulled myself free, feeling warmer than before due to his touch.

"What's that about it 'maybe' being my last time here? I thought it was a done deal," I shot at him as a distraction.

"I thought so too, but…" Mischievous green eyes met nervous brown ones. "I might want to keep you in here more times."

My throat was dry. "Why?"

"I'm not quite sure yet."

If I asked more questions or tied to understand, I'd get even more confused so I just let him have his way.

"Okay… but for now this is it?"

"For now this is it."

I must've looked disappointed because he leaned forward to tilt my chin up.

I didn't breathe. We were so close that if I licked my lips, I'd be licking his too.

"This Saturday," he whispered. "There's a party. At an old friend's house. You're coming with me."

_Wait, what?_

Suddenly, everything shifted. In the blink of an eye we were friends again. I tried to resist the excitement bubbling up inside me. I never got invited much to parties in high school or even now. But how could he just assume I'd go anywhere, anytime with him just because he said so? I pulled back and crossed my arms. "Oh, am I?"

"Mhm," he hummed absently, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.

"And what makes you think I'd go with you?"

"Well, wouldn't you?" he challenged.

"…Maybe."

He smirked.  
><em>Cocky bastard.<em>

And then the door opened.  
>I turned, startled, to meet the eyes of Mr. Important-looking guy.<p>

He looked caught off guard. "Er, Mr. Cullen. Are you aware that Isabella's session ended two minutes ago?"

_What? But we just started…right?_

Edward was trying really hard not to laugh. "I am, Mr. Harrison, we actually just finished."

"Well, in that case… I would like to discuss something with you," he said, shuffling awkwardly at the door.

"Of course," Edward replied smoothly and stood up.

I guess that was my cue to leave.

"Have a good weekend, Bella," said Edward, putting a subtle amount of emphasis on the words.

He knew what I'd be doing this weekend.

I grinned. "I will, you too!"

The confusion on Mr. Harrison's face made the joke all the better, but he quickly brushed it off, and led Edward down the hallway, muttering things I couldn't hear.  
>I don't know why I stared after them (or rather<em>, him<em>), but I'm glad I did because about halfway down the hallway, Edward turned around and did the international "call me" sign.

And Mr. Harrison was completely oblivious.

I stifled a giggle and nodded. He shot me a wink and turned back around, nodding like he'd been listening the entire time.  
>I shook my head, smiling, and walked out the door, grateful that my journal was in my truck.<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>He's not that cocky deep down, trust me.<br>Find the hidden message. xxxxsendmeareviewxxxxx :) Do it or I'm going to start trying to get creative with these. And it'll probably be **__**disastrous. Oh, and thanks to the people who've reviewed more than once, you guys are great, hahaha.**_


	14. Chapter 14: The party

_**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. It's a long chapter and my computer broke down.  
><strong>_

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><p><em>Beep beep beep.<br>_Text message?  
>I put my bag of chips down. I was dealing with the stress of the party tonight, by not thinking about it at all. Completely ignoring the problem until I couldn't anymore seemed like the adequate thing to do. So I was lounging on the couch in my sweats, watching TV and munching on chips, like any girl should on a Saturday afternoon.<br>Text messages were rare. I didn't have any friends.  
>So with a confused frown on my face, which only deepened when I didn't recognize the number, I checked the message.<p>

_Bella. My sister is dying to meet you. She wants to get ready for tonight together and she will literally not take no for an answer, so I'll see you at my place. I'm afraid you have no choice. It's Edward, by the way._

A piece of chip got stuck in my throat and I went into a coughing fit.

_Um… okay. When should I come over? _I typed quickly, chewing on my thumb nail.

Not 10 seconds later, my phone buzzed with his reply.

…_Now._

I jumped off the couch. _Now? _I checked the time. Only 4 PM.  
>Damn it, Edward Cullen.<br>I headed straight for the shower with a sigh. I guess I wouldn't be able to put it off any longer.

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><p>After texting me the address, I began driving to his house.<p>

My stomach was in a knot. As if the nerves of seeing Edward weren't enough, the nerves of meeting his sister were piled on, as well. She was probably gorgeous, if she was related to him. And she seemed nice. _And_ she was going to a party, so she had friends and knew how to have fun…  
>I chewed on my lip. She was surely perfect.<br>As I pulled up to the driveway I reminded myself to take deep breaths. They were just people.  
>Inhumanly glorious people who made me seem like a sack of potatoes.<br>_Stop being so negative._  
>I shook my head at myself and got out of the car.<br>As I walked up to the door, I could hear voices from the inside.  
>I listened carefully, ignoring my inner conscience telling me eavesdropping was wrong.<br>A tinkling, bubbly laughter. His sister.  
>"Edward!" scolded her bell-like voice, before it erupted in giggles.<br>Then her laughter was joined by a deeper one, Edward's. There was a difference, in _knowing_ he was there and _hearing_ him in there.  
>I felt oddly like an intruder.<br>_Man up_, I chastised myself and ran the doorbell.  
>"I'll get it!" his sister gasped and I heard light, rhythmic footsteps approach.<br>The door swung open and I was met with a _tiny_ dark haired girl. She was pretty, as I'd thought but something didn't click. She didn't look anything like Edward.  
>Her hair was nearly black, ruffled stylishly at the tips. His was bronze.<br>Her eyes were a light blue, his were a deep green.  
>She was small and dainty, he was tall and firm.<br>Her features were petite and soft while his were sharp and striking. It confused me, but I didn't say anything.  
>Mostly because her babble didn't allow me to.<br>"Bella, I'm Alice! Edward's sister," she threw her arms around me and I jumped, shocked at the contact.  
>Speaking of Edward, he was slowly making his way from behind her.<br>"Alice," he warned.  
>She smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I get too excited sometimes. I'm just really happy to meet you! Oh my gosh. I brought clothes and make up and stuff to get ready. It'll be so much fun. But we should get started soon, these things take time." She got her first deep breath since she opened the door.<br>"That sounds awesome, Alice." I tried to sound as enthusiastic as her, even though makeovers weren't exactly my idea of fun. I _did_ want to get to know her though, so maybe it'd be a good thing.  
>But to be honest, the majority of my attention was focused on Edward who was studying me from a few feet behind Alice. His eyes met mine and my mouth was dry.<br>I ripped my gaze away from his and smiled at Alice. "I guess we should get you to it, then. Could you get everything ready and I'll be there in a minute?"  
>She nodded and skipped up the steps.<br>It was very quiet after that.  
>Edward stepped forward and brushed a strand of hair from my face. "Hey."<br>I couldn't meet his eyes. "Hi."  
>"Come in." He closed the door behind me and took my wrist, leading me inside. I absorbed every detail, like I had the first time I was here. It really was a beautiful home.<br>"You look nervous," he informed me.  
>This, of course, only made me all the more nervous. I nodded.<br>"Don't be. It's just a party."  
>"I know. I just haven't been to a party in… ever," I admitted, even though most of my nerves were caused by his presence alone.<br>He raised his eyebrows. "Never?"  
>"I mean, unless you count birthday parties."<br>He snorted.  
>"Well, sorry about my sister, then. She's probably making this a lot worse for you."<br>"No… I like her," I reassured him. Just as I was about to mention their lack of similar appearance, I heard a little voice call from the stairs, "Yeah, _Edward_."  
>He chuckled as Alice stuck her tongue out at him. He returned the gesture, and in the process, I noticed something strange.<br>I scrutinized his face. "Edward, what do you have in your mouth?"  
>He looked confused. "What?"<br>"Open."  
>He did. And oh my goodness, he had a tongue piercing!<br>I gaped at him.  
>"When did you get a tongue piercing?" I demanded.<br>A mixture of understanding and amusement crossed his face. "I've always had it, Bella, I just don't wear it to work. You're making a scene."  
>"I don't care-"<br>At this point Alice's laughter was echoing off the walls of the house.  
>"I like her Edward, you should keep her. Bella, everything's ready," she giggled.<br>I gave Edward one more disapproving glance and followed Alice to the guest room.  
>Or should I say, <em>AliceLand<em>.  
>The bed was covered in clothes, different colors and sizes. The bathroom was covered in make-up and cosmetics.<br>I didn't think I'd ever gotten ready for _anything_ this way. She was like a seventeen-year-old on prom night.  
>"So first, I think we should find you something to wear, because we don't want to get your make-up smudged if we do it later. Okay so Newton's house is basically like a club. It's a house, though, because he lives there, obviously. But, I mean, it even has a bar and a hot tub and stuff, it's what he does. But anyway, you want to wear something that'll show a little skin," she wiggled her eyebrows at this, "but you don't to be completely naked…" she droned on, showing me a little of this, a little of that.<br>I didn't know anything about fashion, so I let her have her fun and tried on a few of the things she threw at me.  
>"So what do you like to do?" she asked me, while I shook my head at a skirt so short it could be underwear.<br>"I write," I replied automatically. "I like writing. And reading. I'm kind of a nerd," I admitted. She smiled at this, scrunching up her nose. "What about you?"  
>"I'm studying to be a fashion designer," she announced proudly.<br>"Really? I could never tell," I teased her.  
>We laughed.<br>In the end, I ended up in a small, strapless, black dress that showed a bit of cleavage- which I wasn't used to- and was shorter than I was comfortable with, but Alice told me I had legs "worth showing off," and some black heels to match.  
>Now we were in the bathroom, my hair freshly straightened, and she was applying some smoky eye shadow that would "make my eyes pop". I didn't really understand how eyes could "pop" or how someone could remember as many details as Alice did. But she had thought of everything.<br>"So, I take it you and Edward get along," I commented as she added the finishing touches.  
>She nodded. "Oh yes. He's my big brother, I love him. Always have. He's really a great guy and…" she spoke quietly now, "I think you're good for him."<br>"G-good for him how?"  
>She put the eye shadow down and looked at me, trying to decide something. Finally, she took a deep breath.<br>"Bella, it's not really my place to tell you this, which is why I won't say much, but Edward is… messed up," she pointed to her temple, "in here. Not in the sense that he's crazy, but that his past hasn't exactly left him... stable."  
>"I know how that feels," I muttered.<br>She looked at me sympathetically. "So I hear. Edward will tell you all about this when he's comfortable and ready to open up to you. My brother doesn't open up to anyone. He keeps everything inside and it destroys him. He's excellent at hiding it, though. But somehow I think he will open up to you. You're different. I love it. Over the years, Edward has... _been_ with a few... well, more than a few girls. I'm so not getting into that but my point is, he doesn't look at you the way he looked at them. He likes you, I can tell. He finds you intriguing. He looks at you with such _tenderness._ Like you're something precious he has to take care of. So whether you guys are friends or...you go further than that, I'll always be grateful for you staying in his life. He's changing because of you, even though you don't see it. He's living again. Which is all I could ever ask for to see in my brother. So thank you."  
>I tried saying something. Twice.<br>No words came out.  
>"This is a lot to absorb. I guess I still have a lot yet to know about him. But thank you. You're the best."<br>She beamed at me.  
>"Okay," I clapped my hands together. "Your turn."<p>

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><p>"I feel weird." Alice and I were looking at each other's reflections in the mirror. She decided on a one-strap sequin dress that hung off one shoulder and seemed exactly right for her petite figure. She had perfected the spikes in her hair. She looked amazing.<br>I didn't even recognize _myself_. Whatever Alice did to me turned me into a new person.  
>I looked… <em>good.<em> My eyes did pop, as Alice promised, my hair ran smoothly down my back, my dress fit my body the way it should, and even the shoes worked. If I managed not to trip in them.  
>And my self-esteem had never been the highest, but after Alice worked her magic, I felt a lot more confident. At least I would blend in.<br>She checked her phone. "We should get going. You ready?"  
>I nodded and we made our way downstairs, me, holding on to Alice for support.<br>I don't know how I forgot Edward would be waiting downstairs, but when I saw him, his back to us in the living room, I was hit with nerves.  
>"Well?" Alice called out, gesturing to me. "How'd I do?"<br>I inwardly grimaced at the spotlight, but the thought vanished when he turned around and I saw him.  
>He.<br>Looked.  
>Stunning.<br>He was wearing a simple button-down black shirt and jeans, but _wow. _If I thought _my_ eyes popped… his sparkled. His hair was the usual tousled mess on his head, but even more glorious. Like he didn't try at all, extra hard. It was breath-taking. His lips were parted, and I realized he was studying me as I was studying him.  
>When he first saw me, his eyes widened. His eyes scanned me from top to bottom, lingering in a few places that made me blush. I felt awkward and intimidated by his staring. I bit my lip. It only caused his eyes to dart there and made my face heat up more.<br>He blinked several timed and cleared his throat. "She looks great. You both do."  
>Alice glared at him. "I worked so hard for 'she looks great'?"<br>Edward walked by us, pinching her cheek. "She looks _very_ great."  
>She rolled her eyes but we followed him to the car.<br>The car ride was short and tense. For me, anyway. Edward and Alice were talking amongst themselves in the front. I sat in the back because I was unsure of what to do, getting a weird look by Alice.

I realized I forgot to thank her. Nobody had ever done this big of a fuss over me. Much less a stranger.  
>"Thank you so much for the makeover, Alice," I said during a silence. "I really love it."<br>"You're not the only one," she said slyly.  
><em>Alice.<br>_Edward's grip on the steering wheel tightened a tiny bit.  
>I kept silent the rest of the way.<br>Getting out of the car, Edward offered each of us an arm, which we took, grinning.  
>Once, inside, Alice darted to God-knows-where and Edward and I were greeted by a baby-faced blonde guy.<br>"Hey, man!" He patted Edward on the shoulder. "Wassup? Who's your lovely friend?" he draped an arm around my shoulders sloppily. He was completely wasted.  
>Edward's jaw clenched. "My girlfriend."<br>What?  
><em>No, act natural. Of course I was his girlfriend.<em>  
>I wrinkled my nose and muttered a "hi" as he pressed a cup of something that smelled strong against my hand.<br>"That's sweet. Here honey, have mine."  
>"No, thanks." I didn't know what the heck they could've put in there. And I didn't want to spend the whole night throwing up.<br>"C'mon, you'll like it." He lifted it to my face.  
>And then the drink was knocked out of his hand.<br>Edward was towering over him. Mike suddenly looked like a startled little weasel.  
>"That's fucking fantastic, Mike, but I think she said no," he spat and pulled me away. A few people close-by that got splashed by the drink made complaining noises, but quickly went back to their dancing.<br>Edward wrapped an arm around my waist, tight against his body and made a show of pressing his lips against my forehead as he led me away.  
>"So we're dating now?"<br>"I had to say it. That was him _backing off_. But don't worry. He's not touching you again," he growled.  
>Wow.<br>I sneaked a peak up at him. He was glowering straight ahead.  
>We worked our way through the sea of flesh until reaching some couches. Sitting there, was Alice and three strangers. The first stranger had his his arms around Alice, so I could only assume he was her boyfriend. He was tall, lean and blondish. The complete opposite of Alice. How peculiar. The guy beside him was just as good-looking as the blond one, even though he had dark curly hair, dimples, and was extremely well built. But the most beautiful one was a blonde situated on his lap. She was flawless with her big blue eyes, red lips and a perfect Barbie figure. I felt my self-esteem go down ten points by just looking at her.<p>

What was it with these people? Was it a rule that they all had to be attractive or what?

"Guys, this is Bella. Bella, this is Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, Emmett, my brother, and his girlfriend, _Rosalie_." Her heel came down on his foot and he winced.  
>I wondered why he said her name like that, but then her eyes darted to his hand around my waist and she narrowed her eyes at me.<br>_Oh.__  
><em>_That's why_.  
>I shrugged it off and smiled at them. "Hi."<br>Jasper nodded at me.  
>"Hey hey hey!" Emmett boomed. "I'm real sorry you have to put up with my brother, but if you get bored of him, you can still come chill with us."<br>Alice nodded enthusiastically.  
>Edward scoffed and I laughed. "Sounds like a plan."<br>"Alright." He grinned. I liked him.  
>"C'mon Bella." Edward led me away, flipping them off behind his back.<br>I laughed. "I like your family."  
>"I need a drink," he sighed, and we headed to the bar.<br>He had a drink. I had water. There were snacks in the middle, like peanuts, cherries, and other little things.  
>In an attempt to lighten his mood, I picked up a cherry.<br>"I never could to do that thing where you tie the cherry stem into a knot," I thought out loud as I mindlessly twirled the cherry by its stem.  
>He locked his gaze on me as he slowly grabbed a cherry, plucked it's stem, and popped the stem in his mouth.<br>Not ten seconds later, he opened his mouth to show me the perfect knot resting on his tongue. He placed it on a napkin and smirked at me.  
>I scowled back.<br>"It's not fair. You... use your piercing to your advantage!"  
>He laughed and grabbed my chin firmly in his hand. "You're just mad because I'm a better kisser."<br>_Prove it._  
>"You wish," I muttered instead, pulling my chin free.<br>We talked for a while and he kept having more drinks. After a while, his words started to slur together a bit and I got worried.  
>"Edward."<br>"Yes, kitten?"  
>"Are you drunk?"<br>He shrugged. "Not really."  
>"Well you're acting weird."<br>"I'm not... let's dance." He got up.  
>"I can't dance."<br>"Here." He led us to the dance floor. Once there, he turned me around and wrapped his arms around my waist so that my back was against his chest.  
>"Just like this..."<br>We swayed to the beat of the music. I looked around and saw Alice dancing with Jasper. They looked silly. She threw a wink at me. Emmett and Rosalie were making out on the couch.  
>I couldn't help but think that Edward was enjoying this position a bit too much as he pulled me closer to him.<br>His chin rested on my shoulder and I could feel his ragged breathing against my neck. I could also feel something else lower down press against me. I sucked in a breath. It felt like my body erupted in flames. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than him.  
>The beat was almost hypnotic, seductive in a way. It was to be expected at parties like these, I suppose, and under any other circumstance I wouldn't have like it. It just wasn't my cup of tea. But with Edward pressed against me, moving our bodies together under the entrancing lights... I loved it.<br>It's embarrassing how much I liked it. But my subconscious warned me that a half-drunk Edward was a very bad idea.  
>And that worried me. So, I told Edward I was tired and we looked for a place to sit down.<br>He told me he knew where to go.  
>We went to an area near the back of the house. It was darker here. More secluded.<br>There were couples here, kissing, some doing a little more than that. My breath caught in my throat.  
><em>What was he thinking?<em>  
>He advanced towards me and I instinctively stepped back. Eventually, I tripped when my shoes struck a wall and he caught me. snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. His eyes were hooded. I bit my lip.<br>His eyes darted there instantly and he licked his own lips. I was mesmerized by the action.  
>He pulled my lip out from underneath my teeth with his thumb.<br>"Don't do that."  
>I didn't miss how his thumb lingered there.<br>Unthinkingly, my hand reached up to trace the shape of his own lip. He caught my hand and deliberately pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to the inside of my wrist. I'm sure he felt how fast my heartbeat was racing.  
>After he gave me back my arm, our faces were inches apart and the atmosphere was the thickest it could be.<br>"You're so delicious," he breathed at my jaw. I didn't like where this was going. Don't get me wrong, I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. But if he was drunk... I didn't want him regretting it. And drunk Edward was scaring me a little.  
>He leaned forward and skimmed his lips over my forehead.<br>"Edward."  
>"You look so good, Bella," he mumbled against my skin.<br>I looked up and saw that his eyes were roaming over my revealing dress. I blushed.  
>"Edward."<br>His lips hovered against my skin as they made their way to my neck and ever so softly, he pressed his lips against it. I shivered. The skin where his lips touched was scorching. My breathing was ragged.  
>"Ed-"<br>"RUN!" someone shouted.  
>Screams exploded everywhere as bodies pushed one another to get out.<br>Edward's eyes snapped open.  
>"What's going on?" I yelled.<br>Edward suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me close beside him as he pushed through the crowd.  
>Through the screams and voices that overlapped each other, I could only make out a few words.<br>"Where's the car?"  
>"...find out..."<br>"Can't believe-"  
>"...the cops..."<br>_Cops?_  
>We picked up the pace before finally breaking apart from the mass of people. Cold air hit my face as we got out the back door. I could see the blue and red lights at the side of the house and felt a rush of andrenaline. I held on to Edward's arm.<br>"Get in the car, Bella. Quickly." He threw the door open before going around the other side.  
>I got in and buckled my seatbelt.<br>"Alice," I gasped.  
>"She's leaving with Jasper."<br>"Why did the police get here?"  
>His eyes were narrowed.<br>"Too many people doing too many illegal things," he replied and stepped on the gas.  
>Tires screeched.<br>My nails dug into the seat.

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><p>"You okay?" I asked him as I closed the door.<br>"Yeah, that sobered me up," Edward mumbled, rubbing his face. "Sorry you had an awful time," he added as he tossed the keys on the counter.  
>"I didn't. I think it was a very fulfilling first <em>real<em> party," I told him honestly. "And I liked meeting your family."  
>"Good." He smiled. "They liked you. Do you want anything?" he offered.<br>"Maybe some water."  
>"There are some room temperatures water bottles at the bottom of the pantry." He pointed to a door.<br>I turned around to get one but he caught my arm and pulled me back. And then his lips were on mine.  
>His hand was holding my chin, keeping my head in place. My own lips parted in a gasp and he took advantage of this by softly sucking on the bottom one. His lips were even softer than I imagined they'd be. They were gentle but strong against mine. And it absolutely terrified me.<br>Lips.  
>His lips. His hands.<br>I couldn't move or scream. I was paralyzed. I wanted him to keep going. I wanted him to stop.  
>After a few seconds, he pulled away.<br>We stood there facing each other, both of us breathing heavily, our lips warm with the fresh kiss.  
>He looked so genuinely startled. Like he had no idea of what just happened any more than I did.<br>I wasn't ready.  
><em>I have to get away. I have to get away.<em>  
>"I-I have to go," I stuttered and quickly made my way out the door.<br>And he didn't try to stop me.

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><p>"Okay, what <em>happened<em>?" Ang demanded, sitting down at the corner of my bed.  
>I didn't say anything.<br>"Did he hurt you?"  
>I shook my head.<br>"Then what?"  
>My lips still stung faintly. His touch lingered.<br>I traced the shape of my lips with my fingertips, unable to believe his own had been there a few minutes ago.  
>"He...kissed me," I choked out.<br>Her eyes grew wide. "And that's bad?"  
>"Yes! Well, no, of course not..."<br>"I thought it was what you wanted."  
>"It is. But, it isn't..."<br>"You're not making much sense."  
>"I know." My head fell into my hands. "I don't know what's going on."<br>"Try to explain."  
>Ten minutes later I was still trying.<br>"So what I'm hearing is that as much as you loved the kiss, your body was terrified because it still remembered... well, you know," he summarized.  
>I nodded and my eyes felt prickly with fresh tears threatening to form.<br>"I don't know, I just wish I could be normal for him. Because I like him so much it hurts. I really do. But _he_ ruined that too. _He_ ruined the way my body should react. And now _I_ ruined the only chance I had. I hate it. I hate _him_. I hate what he's done to me."  
>She sighed deeply and scooted closer. She rubbed my back.<br>"It'll be okay," she promised.  
>"How do you know? What if I can never be with a guy because a part of me will always be scared?"<br>"That won't happen. I'm sure you can get over this. Look, Edward's a therapist, right? He must know that plenty of girls react this way. He knows how to help them. But, with you, it'll be even better because you guys have a thing and he can help you to an extent that he otherwise couldn't on a professional level with his other patients."  
>I thought about this.<br>"You think he'd help me?"  
>"Bella, I think he'd love to. And it's not like he's going to think you're a freak. He understands. Better than anyone else."<br>I nodded.  
>I wasn't convinced this would work. I wasn't even convinced Edward and I had a "thing," but my brain was exhausted and I pushed it to the back of my mind. I'd deal with this later.<br>Just not now. I didn't want to think about this anymore.  
>We talked for a few more minutes before she said goodnight and I was left alone.<br>I sighed and got ready for bed, preparing myself for a nightmare. Just as I was about to turn off the lamp, my phone on the bedside table chirped. I looked at the screen.

1 New Text Message.

From: Edward  
><em>I'm sorry.<em>

I clicked delete.

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><p><em><strong>Yeah. This chapter was weird. Sorry if you don't like it, but its my story. Review? :)<strong>_


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